Why?

I have to admit that I ask that question a lot.

Why?

And, I have to admit that I ask that question of God a lot.

Why?

I've really struggled with it lately. For some reason the last few days have been exceptionally hard for me. I wonder WHY things happen.

WHY do some choices seem to haunt you forever? Doesn't there come a time when you've paid your penance?

WHY do some things happen that raise and then dash your hopes? Again? Hasn't it been painful enough?

WHY is it so hard to stay hopeful? WHY does it feel as if He is ignoring you? WHY can't the years of struggle and pain end? WHY is the "little while" of suffering stretch on and on and on?

And WHY is my faith so fickle? Is it because I've been hoping for so long, and as the years drag by and the prayers haven't been answered and the hopes haven't been fulfilled and the dreams are fading?

WHY?

There is a song by Barlow Girl that I still love. I sing it to myself quite a bit - especially when I feel abandoned. I just hope and pray and try to have faith that He'll show Himself soon.

I waited for You today
But You didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

A Horrible, Terrible Wound

It's been a beautiful weekend. After 8 days of rain (yes, 8 - felt like I was in Vancouver), the sun came out and it hasn't been stifling hot. SO, that means that the kids can go outside!!

They were out most of the day yesterday, and they are out there today. About 10 SECONDS after they went outside, MG comes in and yells "[MB] hurt his self really bad!" Which says to me that there probably is some blood. But how much? I could hear him crying in the garage.

So, I gather my little ouchie arsenal - BooBoo juice (non-stinging foamy cleanser), BooBoo cream (Neosporin-like stuff), Disney bandaids and a wet (dark colored) rag. Out I go, and he's got a wet paper towel (his sister can be sweet sometimes!) on his toe and he's just crying buckets.

Over I go, take the paper towel off to find.... a tiny scratch. I'm sure it hurt, because it was on the top of his big toe, but I was all prepared for a missing toe!

Mommy, of course, cleaned it up with her special things, and he got to pick out his bandaid. (He chose Mickey in a space-suit today.) All better!

Lesson for today: Children are over-dramatic.

Shocking

I just have to say that The Electric Company is an awesome show. Both my kids love it and they learn stuff. Yay for PBS!!

I, like, totally, like Live Here!

So, after 4 years of living with my parents, I'm totally moved in.

What do you mean, you ask?

Well, for 4 years, my poor little car has been subjected to the random elements. Storms, trees falling, hail, and so on. Which, of course, means that I - and my kiddos - have always had to be in the rain, snow, or whatever might be going on to get in and out of the car.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am thrilled to announce that, after said 4 years, I get my own garage space.

Yes, you read that right. I get to park IN THE GARAGE!!!

We got new garage doors today. They both work. (Yes, that is worth noting seeing as how one of them has not worked pretty much since my parents bought the house 7 years ago.) And I got my very own garage door opener for my very own garage space.

You know, it's the little things in life.

Thanks, Dad and Mom!!

Sadness

MB got a Dum-Dum at church today. I promised he could eat it after dinner. He took a long nap today (has to be up late), and I woke him up and got him out of bed quite fast at the mention of said lollipop. He meandered downstairs in a somewhat drunkenly fashion (he was still half-asleep), and immediately got the lollipop.

"I just want to open it," says he.

"Fine, just don't even put it in your mouth until after you eat dinner," says I.

I make dinner, and as I put it down in front of him I look down to see a lollipop stick coming out of his mouth. It took me a moment to register, and then I did.

MB got smacked. Then the lollipop got ripped out of his mouth and taken away.

As I stood on the other side of the kitchen, I looked over and he had the most tragic/dumbfounded/in shock/sad face ever. And then I couldn't help it.

I laughed.

I know - awful. NEVER laugh when you've just gotten your child in trouble. It will either a) make it worse or, b) he will forget why he was in trouble. In this case, it was choice a.

He immediately disappeared under the table and cried. So then I felt bad, and had to go give him lots of kisses - all while still trying to stop laughing. And I had to say I was sorry for laughing, but still try to keep some semblance of discipline in it. He still didn't get the lollipop, so there's that.

Moral? Really try harder when you think you're going to laugh.

Sigh.

Fitness 101

I finally did it. I finally made myself start working out again.

Am I feeling ok? Yes.

I really have no excuse. Unless my back is out (which does happen sometimes - two kids can definitely mess you up), there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that I can't do something. I mean, I have everything I need in my room!

I've got a mini-stair-stepper, and balance ball, and a pair of light free weights. In my room. I see them every day. Maybe I'm just lazy. Hmmm.

So, Monday night, I told myself to just suck it up and do it. Here are a few things I have discovered.

1) I do not feel energized after a workout. In fact, I just want to go to bed. Therefore, I do it at night after the kids are in bed. Then I can shower and put my jammies on and sleep!

2) Music is important to workout to. I have discovered that something with a funky beat is great. I get a nice, consistent thing going. AND, I can jam on my stair-stepper. That's right, I dance and step. I'm that talented.

3) When I discover that working out really does make you look better, I'll let you know. :)

Random compliments will be accepted.

Another week is over. The kids did great. Mommy? Not so much.

I guess I feel completely and totally let down by a few beings, human and otherwise.

Hurt and raw.

Yet another disappointment. Another painful experience to tuck away and hopefully forget.

There's been too much of that over the last several years. I had hoped that it might be over.

No.

But life goes on, I suppose.

Another SpongeBob Moment

Dinner was hamburger patties with shredded carrots and potatoes. How to coerce the kids into eating them?

In walks MB.

"Are those Krabby Patties?"

"Yes. Yes they are."

They each ate two. :)