The Obligatory New Years Post

Today is the last day of 2010. As such, I feel that it is my duty to write something profound about the last year, and offer wonderful insights for the coming year. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? I don't want to break some unknown and unwritten blogging rule. So, here goes.

I am glad this year is over, and I hope like crazy that something awesomely wonderful happens in the new year. Or at least that nothing else that makes things crappy happens.

I am so wise, yes?

Truth be told, this year - and the few before it - have been tough. It seems like every time I turn around, something else happens. I would much prefer if that was not the way it will be next year.

Which leads me to ponder - don't we seem to put a lot of hope in the changing of a number or two? As if we will wake up on January 1 and be in a magical land filled with unicorns and rainbows. I've never been one to make New Years Resolutions or goals just because it's the changing of the year you put at the end of dates. I make goals and resolutions as I see fit and go from there.

So, there you have it. Do you feel wise and insighted yet? I hope so.

Happy End of 2010/Beginning of 2011 to you!

I Prefer Indoor Plumbing

Yesterday, the water heater ceased functioning properly.

I discovered this as I began the scouring of the kitchen for our annual New Years Party. (Note to self - hire a maid service next year.) Usually the water is hot by the time I rinse dishes and load them into the dishwasher. Then, wash all the stuff that didn't fit and can't go in. This time, the water just wasn't getting hot.

Turns out the pilot light went out. So, my dad came home and re-lit it. It went out again, and wouldn't light.

NO. HOT. WATER.

Six people.

Not happy.

So, out came our trusty friend, Pot. We filled him with water and boiled it. Kids got a sponge bath. By the time I had washed my hair with microwaved water and cleaned up with Mr. Pot, I realized how much I love modern conveniences.

My dad was able to fix it the next day with and $8 part. Thank goodness. I definitely am not cut out for frontier living!

the FCB

All women have one. ALL of them. I don't care who you are.

Little girls have them, too, but different ones.

What are they?

Fake Celebrity Boyfriends.

What is a Fake Celebrity Boyfriend? Exactly what it sounds like. Some famous person or character on a show or something similar that you think is absolutely the most gorgeous person ever, and you dream that you meet him and he totally thinks you're the best thing ever.

Let's clarify something - having a FCB and being stalker like are completely different.

You don't want to know all about the FCB. It will ruin the dream. You don't really care so much where he lives, and you have no desire to know if he's dating or married or gay. You know his name, and how hot he is, and the rest is mostly made up to fit your fantasy. You know you have a 99.99% chance that you will NOT ever meet him. If you think that you and your FCB have a "deep connection" and that you are or will be married, or anything like that, you are a stalker and need help.

I will admit that my current FCB is Alex O'Loughlin. He's dreamy. I know nothing about him. I refuse to check out his IMDB profile. The perfect FCB. My mom is all about Tom Selleck from the Magnum P.I. days. I believe my sister's #1 is Matt Bomer from White Collar. My aunt is predictable with Brad Pitt.

Who's your FCB?

Oldies, But (Mostly) Goodies

I bought Flight of the Navigator the other day. I LOVED that movie when I was a kid. So, my kids and I watched it and they loved it! We've all decided we want a space ship like that one.

Another one of my favorites was The NeverEnding Story. So, that one wasn't AS cool to me now, but the kids think it's awesome. Falkor the Luck Dragon is awesome. Atreyu! (I know all the girls made him their Fake Celebrity Boyfriend back then!) And, of course, Artax. Stupid horse.

My sister, for some reason I may never know, thinks Labyrinth is absolutely amazing. She's 20. Is it Davie Bowie and his Joe Dirt wig? The puppet sheepdog that turns into a real dog from distance shots that looks nothing like the puppet? Or is it David Bowie singing? (My cousin will hate me for saying all these things about David Bowie. Not sure about her, either. (Kidding!))

I don't remember if it's the first movie I saw in a theater, but it's the first one I remember. My aunt took me to see An American Tail on my 8th birthday. I think I cried. Or, maybe she took me to see The Great Mouse Detective. Or maybe both. That's what aunties do!

Nostalgia. Anyone else?

Land of the Lost

Do you ever feel lost?

Not lost as in you didn't want to actually ask for directions. Lost in your life.

I feel like that right now.

I fell like the road that I've been on for the past year or two isn't the right one. Maybe I made a wrong turn somewhere. Or maybe I am on the right road but I can't tell because nothing looks familiar.

I don't like being lost. When I'm in the car - no matter who's driving - and I even think we may be lost, I panic. My heart starts racing and I start to get a little freaked out. There have been a few times I've been lost by myself - really lost - and I have a full-blown freak-out with the crying and panic attack. I think being lost is one of my biggest fears.

So, when my life in general feels lost, I feel helpless and get nervous. As though I'm 5 months pregnant and in the ghetto in a new town I've never been in and I have no idea at all how to get back to where I'm staying. (True story. Not the best memory.)

We all want to be in control. I want to be in control. I want to know what's coming up, where I'm going, how I'm going to get there. Change directions? No problem, just tell me which way to go now. Right now, I don't know any of that.

This is the part where it's really, really, really hard to let go. To trust that God knows where He's taking me. HUGE struggle for me! It only makes sense to let him. I mean, I can't remember where I put my Chapstick half the time, so how can I trust myself with my life plan?

I still feel completely lost and confused and more than a little panicked. I'm just hoping for a glimpse of the map at this point.

Magical Food

Bacon.

Bacon is magical.

I just watched a special on the Travel Channel called Bacon Paradise. All about places that are known for bacon stuff. There is a bar in Baltimore that has a Bacon Happy Hour about once a month. Every table gets a huge bowl of bacon to start. Like chips at a Mexican restaurant, only way better. I want to go there.

I love bacon.

That's all.

I Win...

Yes.

I pretty much ruled at present giving this year.

Granted, I may have spent a teensy more than I was planning, but it's not really my fault.

I LOVE buying stuff for my family! I love getting something that I know they'll really like, and then watching them open it. I made my mom a little teary today, which was kind of my goal with one of her presents. I really love getting stuff for people. I was getting yelled at because I wasn't opening my presents fast enough. I just wanted to watch everyone else!

I am very blessed to be a part of such an awesome family. We had the best Christmas - just us at home all day, playing games and hanging out and, of course, eating, and then ending the night with the best Christmas movie (A Christmas Story - don't argue)!

Merry Christmas to everyone!

One Word...

DONE!!

After a long week and 412 trips to the stores and prepping like crazy, we're done!!

I love my job. I love working at my church. Christmas is hard.

It's raining today, and I had to go to Walmart, and I almost got ran over three times. People are jerks on Christmas Eve. I wasn't feeling very holy after that.

But now I'm home with my family and my kids and I can relax and enjoy this wonderful time.

So....

DONE!!

Are We There Yet?

I so feel like that this week.

I work at my church, and most people know that Christmas is kind of a big deal for churches. That and Easter. I happen to work in the Communications (video, graphics, web, anything that needs to be designed and printed for anything) AND Worship Departments (the obvious and lights/cameras/sound, etc...). To say we've been busy is kind of an understatement.

I spent the last four days decorating the stage. You wouldn't think that by looking at it. It's pretty, if I do say so myself, but the amount of work that goes into making it look pretty and simple is so not simple.

The amount of time and effort that everyone has put into making Christmas Eve special and inviting and great is crazy.

I love Christmas, and I love our Christmas Eve services, but I am ready for it to be over so I can sit down. And see my kids!

Only 20 more hours and we'll be there - done!

Ranch is a Food Group

Went to lunch with my friend today. I haven't seen her in a while. She is one of those extra-gorgeous and uber-talented people who are also so sweet. It's kind of wrong, really, that one person should have all that.

We got chips and salsa today. And ranch. For the chips. Well, she got ranch. I just looked at her strangely. I know she's not the only one, but ranch on chips? With salsa? I don't understand.

I used to have a friend that put potato chips on her sandwiches. ON them. Nope, don't get that either.

Maybe I'm to boring with my food.

What strange food habits do you have?

IT'S CHRISTMAS!

It's 11:00 pm, and I had the longest day. 10 hours at work, and lots of stress surrounding me. And braving the traffic to go to about a zillion different stores to find stage decor. And all the other stuff.

So, I randomly yell, "IT'S CHRISTMAS!!"

It's a great reminder of why we're all working so hard at work, and it's a tension reliever. I also make others yell it, too. Cuz I'm great like that.

So, over the next few days, when the pressure mounts and you think that it won't all get done in time and you think that you're the only one stressing, stop for a second, take a deep breath, and yell.

IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!

(Even if it's almost 80 degrees outside and you've got the AC on!)

When Hope Doesn't Float

I have to admit something.

Today I don't really like hope.

Does anyone else feel that sometimes, or am I the only one?

And considering it's Christmas, and the Hope of the world is what we're celebrating, I feel pretty heathen-ish right about now.

I suppose it's because I get so tired of waiting and waiting and praying and, well, HOPING for things that never happen. They're not crazy things. I'm not hoping for a giant mansion or bazillions of dollars or fame or any other outlandish thing. (I don't consider hoping that Alex O'Loughlin and I meet and he falls in love with me outlandish. Just sayin')

The Bible says lots about hope and hope-like subjects. I have lots of them written down for quick reference. I read them a lot, just to remind myself that God promises that He won't fail those who's hope is in Him.

And yet today I feel a little failed.

Which, as a Christian, I know is not how I'm supposed to feel. Funny thing is, though, that I don't feel all that guilty about not feeling sunshine and rainbow hope.

Gasp.

Deep down, I know that I haven't been failed. I know that He hears me. It bugs me that He hasn't answered, but I know that He's ok with me being bugged. How can I say that? Because I believe that He is more interested in my honesty then with putting on a holy-show. I kind of figure that He knows what I'm really thinking anyway, so it doesn't do any good to act hope-filled and happy when I'm not.

So, right now, after years of hoping for certain things, and praying for them and still not seeing anything, I'm not feeling the hope-love right now. In fact, hope makes me a little angry.

I think of Proverbs 13:12 a lot - "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

Today my heart is sick. Anyone else feel that way sometimes, or am I the only one?

Gealous of Genius

Yes, I spelled jealous with a 'G'. Isn't that the trendy thing to do now? You know, like the Kardashian sisters spell everything with a 'K'. I'm just trying to be cool.

Anyway, on to my real blog.

I was driving to school yesterday (last day of the semester - yay!!!) and was listening to the Sherlock Holmes soundtrack. (You know, the one with Robert Downey, Jr. that is AWESOME?) And, once again, was blown away by the genius of the music.

GENIUS.

The different ways the violin is played and the dynamics and everything is insane. Hans Zimmer is amazing. (Yes, John Williams is, too, but I'm not talking about him today, so get over it.) And the name 'Hans Zimmer' - say it all German-like and it makes it even cooler.

Have you seen his discography? The above mentioned Sherlock Holmes, Christopher Nolan's Batman movies, Transformers, Inception, Iron Man, Pirates of the Caribbean, Gladiator and about a million more of my faves. (Seriously, look at this list!)

Yes, I'm sort of like a commercial for Hans Zimmer today. I am just in awe of the mind of a musical genius, that's all. Listen to his stuff, and then try to argue.

Christmas Day Massacre

(Thanks to my uncle, R.G. Ryan, for giving me the thought for today's post!!)

You see them everywhere. You may like them, you may not. I, for one, see them as a lazy man's tacky way of "decorating" the yard.

I'm talking about Inflatable Christmas Decor.

They are huge, brightly colored plastic creatures lurking around the corner, wobbling in the wind every evening. From Santas of various sizes, to trains and elves. Have you seen the ginormous snowglobes? I even saw a nativity scene.

But what happens when the rows of light-up candy canes and seizure-inducing blinking lights go off? You go to bed with these pillowy giants waving at you and wake up to...








...carnage.

It sort of looks like Gnome Capone grabbed all the other legit lawn ornaments and was all, "Look at these fakers! They're nothing but a bunch of imposters! They can't even stand up on their own. The Christmas Lollipop Lights can't even be seen behind this bunch of hot air. I say we take 'em!"

And then all the legit lawn ornaments grab some light-up candy canes and attack the Inflatables with a vengeance, leaving behind a mass of deflated carnage in their wake, and the world wakes up with no idea of the gangster-style hit that took place in their own front yards.

Bet you'll never look at these the same. You're welcome.

When Noodles Attack

There's a B-horror movie in that title. Which brings this to mind - best B-horror movie premise ever. Or more like a C or D-movie. Night of the Lepus. Fluffy bunny's breed like crazy and then attack people. I should watch this. It's real - I'll wait while you look it up.

Back to the noodles.

I was making MB dinner the other night. We had some leftover stroganoff sauce, so I found some elbow macaroni in the cupboard and proceeded to cook them. After an appropriate amount of time had passed, I did the test-it-for-doneness thing. Took one out of the pot, shook the water off, waited a sec, then went to eat it.

I did not shake hard enough or wait long enough, as a very minuscule bit of water was still boiling inside the noodle, which dripped on my lip. Liquid hot molten lava temperature boiling water = instant blister + trying not to say bad things in front of my son.

It still hurts. I think I'll skip the elbow macaroni from now on.

Aliens Would Whoop Us

(Random Wednesdays have begun. I will give my thoughts on the most random topics I or a friend can think of. Suggestions welcome!)

It's Christmas-time. I love this time of year. People act nicer and there is pie. And other stuff. But there's one thing I can't seem to wrap my head around at the holidays.

The Christmas Sweater.

Really. Have you ever actually seen an attractive Christmas Sweater? If there really is intelligent life out there that wanted to take us down like War of the Worlds (not the Tom Cruise version) or Independence Day (before Will Smith whoops them), between Christmas Sweaters and the Antiques Roadshow camera lurkers, do you really think they would see us as a formidable opponent?

They are bulky and always some crazy red color, and they look like a first grader tried to knit it in the back of the Batman ride at Sea World. Hot glue some flannel graph-esque reindeer and Christmas trees on awkward places, and you've got fashion at it's finest!

I have been lucky enough to have avoided the Christmas Sweater Hall of Shame (or I've completely blocked it out of my memory). Have you?

Drowning in Cars

MB LOVES cars. He probably has at least 200 little Matchbox/Hot Wheels cars. Right now I am listening to him play with all of his cars.

I went in there a little bit ago and he had ALL of them lined up. They were going to do a race, but only a couple of them were actually racing. The rest were watching, but he didn't have enough cars. He couldn't change how they were lined up because they were making a house, and the chimney was broken.

I can hear him with some sort of fabulous story going on, and occasional car noises breaking through.

He is so cute.

Manic Monday - Worry Sucks

(I've decided to take Mondays and write about serious stuff going on in life. Serious stuff sometimes makes me a little manic-y, therefore it is Manic Mondays. Or MM, since that's shorter for title purposes.)

I'm a little older than most students, but circumstances got themselves (maybe with a little God-nudge) to where I could go to school. I started in July 2009. It's been great. Makes me super busy and sometimes I have a freak-out-attack (or more than sometimes), but it's worked out well. As a veteran, I get to use the GI Bill. As a single mom, I don't make a lot of money, so I get good grants to pay for school. It's a winning combo.

When I signed up for the Navy many moons ago, I was told that the GI Bill would cover all of my school as long as I start using it before I was out of the military for 10 years. It seems that either a) that was not true, or b) it's changed. Now I find out that it ends after 10 years - no matter what.

Hard to believe that I'm this old, but come February 22, 2011, I will have been out of the Navy for 10 years. And the VA won't extend my GI Bill, even when my Congressman requested it.

You see, there are four whole reasons they will accept to extend benefits. It seems that bankruptcy, divorce and struggling single-parenthood does not fall into one of their reasons. So, come February 22, 2011, 1/2 of my income is gone.

To say I'm stressed is a slight understatement.

As a Christian, I'm supposed to not worry, right? I'm sure that, if you know the Bible at all, you could come up with a few verses about not worrying or stressing or freaking out. In fact, I've thought of more than a few in the few seconds it's taken me to type this. And I read them almost every night, and I try to "let go and let God" (I hate Christian cliches).

But the fact remains that I'm worried.

I'm blessed much more than a lot of single moms. I live with my parents and have a fantastic support system. But, we're all just getting by right now. And I'm scared of what will happen in a couple of months when just rent and a (pretty small) car payment leave me in the hole.

So, here I am - a worried Christian. (Which is kind of like jumbo shrimp or pygmy mammoth (really - look it up).)

The nice thing? God totally understands, and will do what He does in spite of my manic-ness.

Can We Say, "TACK-Y?"

As mentioned yesterday, my sister and I went to Target. (And came home with a large, twinkly Christmas Flamingo lawn ornament. I mention it again only because it is AWESOME.)

We went because I needed to get an ornament (not the giant pink flamingo) for a party I am attending tonight. I, of course, can't just get one. I want to get a pretty one that whoever ends up with it will actually enjoy. BUT, I must ALSO up the tacky quotient in my gift bag. Therefore, we were on the hunt for an exceedingly ugly, "Why in the WORLD would anyone seriously buy this thing" ornament.

Oh. My. Gosh. I left Target with a new amazement at the stuff that is available, and even more amazed that marketing research showed that people would actually buy it. For SERIOUS. (I buy tacky thing purely for their tackiness, full well knowing that it will not actually be used. Unless, of course, it is a twinkly Christmas Flamingo. That is entirely different.)

We are searching through bins - yes, BINS - of plastic, glittery, neon and feathered ornaments. Some ornament possess all of those qualities in one. Like the limey-green carousel horse head with hot pink feathers sticking out of it's head, with a clip to stick in on the tree. Picture that, please.

We search, and are seeing some good ones. But nothing that really screams, "I am so tacky and ugly that I'm almost cute and you must buy me if only to see the look on the receivers face!" But then...

...we see it.

In all of it's crocheted or knitted or whatever glory. It was hiding behind other similarly hand-crafted-looking ugly, as if ashamed of it's existence. We had to take all the other uglies off the thing it was hanging on to get it off, and it was worth it.

I just hope that the recipient appreciates it as much as I do.

The Flamingo and the Gazelle

This is a story about a Christmas Flamingo and a Graceful Gazelle.

It all starts with a trip to Target with my sister. We want to by Inception (combo pack for cheap!) and I need an ornament for a party.

After way too long in the Wii game aisle, and another chunk of time spent being amazed at the awful ornaments being sold, we see it. It's beautiful, twinkly and pink.

The Christmas Flamingo lawn ornament.

My dad thinks pink flamingos are the tackiest and coolest things ever. This large ornament has been available for two years, and every time my mom, sister or I go to Target, we stare at it for a bit, pondering if we should just give in and get it. We never do.... Until today.

My sister and I bought it. We got home and while my all knowing mom is inside, we get it put together in the back of my car and set it up on the porch, right next to the tiny topiary. She didn't inspect the rustling, which is a first.

Obstacle two: The wild zoo animals that will be home any moment and will run in the house yelling about it. They saw it, and my sister intercepted them to swear them to secrecy, and then I distracted them with a new Wii game.

We get it all ready, and manually turn the lights on and IT TWINKLES!!!! Not that awful blinking, but just little twinkles. Even more awesome! And we wait. We can't see out the front door while standing up right now because of the wreaths, so we're kneeling there, peering through the window like kids in a candy store, SO excited for the parentals to come home and see it.

They drive up, the car slows, then stops, and I see my mom laughing, telling my dad to put his glasses on. They loved it! Success! My dad is quite excited. He wants to expand the collection and do a pink flamingo nativity scene. That may be going too far.

The Graceful Gazelle? That's my sister. She is quite clumsy, which can be very amusing. As the kids and I sit at the table eating, she's running back and forth making sure the lights are on so the parents will get the full effect of the awesomeness of the flamingo. She is finally successful, and as she comes "gliding" in to the kitchen, we hear, "I fixed the flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." and see her head disappear. She is in socks, on tile, and is so enthusiastic that her feet get a little ahead of the rest of her body. She tries to grab the wall to no avail, and she's down. I hope she's not hurt, but the laughter is bubbling. She's laying there and says, "Oh, I didn't just die!" I wasn't sure what she would do, but by this point I'm laughing so hard I can't see through the tears, and she can't get up off the floor because she's laughing so hard. Those of you who are reading this and know my sister can picture this, yes?

So that is the story of the Flamingo and the Gazelle.

The Lion Sleeps...

Broke down and gave the boy a haircut. That kid has so much hair. He looks like a wild lion. So, to show you the amount of hair that came off of his head...




Now, the lion is gone and my son is back. For now...

Christmas is Carnage!

First, I've been the worst blogger. Ever. I acknowledge.

Moving on.

Last night we finally were all home and were going to "officially" start Christmas. That means light the fire, put the angel on the tree, turn on all the lights and dance around to Nat Kind Cole's "The Christmas Song" (best rendition ever, by the way).

It sounds so sweet.

HAHAHA!

So, we go to plug the iPod into the stereo, which is about 4-million years old so you can't ever tell if it's actually on or not. And it wasn't, and the cord was unhooked. My dad REALLY wanted it piped into the surround sound, so he's digging around in the cabinet insisting that he'll get it. My sister and I keep saying we can just get her little iPod stereo thing, but no. She finally goes up and gets it and starts the song, and at the same time my dad yells that he got it fixed. So, we now have surround sound Nat King Cole.

Then he wants to dance with my mom, and keeps telling us to be quiet because we're ruining Nat King Cole. And my kids are fighting over something on the couch, and my sister is trying to take the toy away they're fighting over, and my dad and mom are "dancing", and my dad is telling everyone to shut up, and I'm imagining someone watching this and laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.

Songs over, so time to put the angel on the tree (or put the tree up the angel's butt - whichever). It's MB's turn this year. My dad gets him up there and MB tries to get the angel on the tree. It, of course, isn't staying on, so me with my totally jacked up back is trying to hold it up while my sister jimmies some branches around. Angels up, so time to plug it in to light it.

Can't find the plug in the tree. My sister's digging around in the tree trying to find the plug. We finally find it and grab the angel cord and....

The plug on the end of the angel cord is gone. There's just this weird little connector. Ten more minutes of digging through the tree and presents, and no cord. By this time the kids are out of control and it's way past their bedtime. So, off to bed they go, I get in the shower, my sister is mumbling in the tree, and we never did "officially" start Christmas.

I love family time!