Quotes of the Week

(As we drank hot chocolate at Starbucks, he wanted a straw. We told him you don't drink hot chocolate with a straw, but you can suck it through the little hole in the lid.)
"If I sip too much from the hole, it burns my ears, and my throat."


(When discussing Santa and his love of cookies.)
"Did you know that Santa is estracted (translation: attracted) to cookies? That's why he's fat. He's very estracted to cookies."

"When I chew the blueberries on this side of my mouth, it tastes like a blueberry. But when I chew the blueberries on the other side of mouth, it tastes like a raspberry, not a blueberry."

Some Reflection

Well, to say this year has been interesting would be an understatement of immense proportions.

For a brief moment, I felt that - for the first time in my adult life - I had what I'd always wanted. No, I wasn't even close to rich, but I had a job. I wasn't engaged or married, but I had someone that might be. My family was together, we were happy and healthy and life was going along.

Then, it all went away. Job, special, family - all ripped from me. I've cried more in the last few months than I have in years. I've prayed and asked what the point of it was? In fact, just typing about it is difficult.

What I finally discovered.... well, not discovered, exactly, because I've always known.... So, I finally got it into my heart that God is good.

In what was the lowest point of the year, after having a "conversation" (and I use the term loosely), it finally hit me in my gut and heart that He is here. He won't leave or forsake me. And, for the first time in my adult life, I had peace about all the shtuff that my life was going through.

I'm still not rich. I'm still alone. My family will never be the same. I still cry a lot (being a girl sucks sometimes!). But, God is good. And as this year closes, I refuse to let go of the tiny thread of hope that's left in me and to trust that He will make make it ok.

Happy New Year!

MB Quotes of the Week

"When I talk, I don't breath. Here, feel my nose. It's very hard for me to talk and breath at the same time."

"Did you know singing is good for your brain?"

(He was sick last weekend and had to stay home from school with Geemaw and Bapa.)
"Do they stay here very often?"

(Talking to MG while she put on a red shirt and before she pulled it all the way over her head.)
"You look like a red camel. With your hair showing. And a vacano [translation: volcano] for your noes. And little round puffy vacano's for your ears."

(MG was telling me all about her field trip to the Outdoor Learning Area and how she loved it. I told her that she is very smart and has a science and math brain. Which I don't have!)
"I have a coloring brain. 'Cuz I like to color and draw and color all the time."

Just Add Water...

Forgiveness is a funny thing. Of course I believe that it's necessary. God mandates it. Therefore, you must forgive. As a Jesus-follower, you want to forgive. And you do - eventually.

The thing is that forgiveness isn't like instant hot chocolate. You can't just add water and stir and - Voila! - instant and delicious forgiveness.

I grew up thinking that if I didn't totally and truly forgive someone the instant they wronged me in some way I would not go to heaven if I died right then. The last few months have finally broken that guilt associated with the inability to instantly and 100% forgive someone. And I believe that God - in His crazily infinite mercy - understands and grants us that grace.

I've come to realize that forgiveness is a process. For some things, the instant forgiveness is easy. Your sister punching you in the arm is usually quickly forgiven and forgotten. Some things, however, take much longer.

As I've worked through my own journey towards complete forgiveness, I've seen that some days are easy. Ok, yes, I forgive you. Other days, not so much. It doesn't help when the person you are wanting so hard to forgive seems to flaunt the thing you are so desparatly wanting to forgive them for.

I know that I will forgive. I want to, need to, have to. Even if there wasn't a million other reasons, just the fact that I've needed forgiveness for terrible things that I've done would be enough.

I just can't promise that it will be today.

Thank God for His grace for my human-stuff.

Brain Spasm

The kindergartners at the kid's school make a Christmas sweatshirt every year. Of course, I forgot about it until the teacher sent out a friendly reminder on Tuesday. So, Wednesday before church we head to Target to get a plain (preferably white) sweatshirt.

None.

Not only was the sweatshirt selection very tiny, the few they did have were covered in graphics.

Which meant a trip to, gulp, Wal-Mart.

So, yesterday I went to Wal-Mart. And spent 20 minutes wandering between the boys, girls and toddler section. I finally found one plain gray sweatshirt hidden amongst all the graphic-covered ones. (The selection was pitiful.)

So what do I do?

I go and forget to put it in MB's backpack. (Smack on the forehead.)

I noticed when I went upstairs AFTER they had gotten on the bus. So, another hurried morning to rush out the door and get it to school before they started painting them - at 8:15.

I need a nap now.

Explosions!

This morning I was still upstairs, cleaning up and trying to wake up. I heard a sound and my dad sounding surprised.

It turns out that we had a bizarre explosion of sorts.

My dad was being domestic and doing the dishes. He was washing some by hand since the dishwasher was clean. He had taken a small glass bowl out of the wash-water, dried it and set it on the counter.

Then it exploded. And went EVERYWHERE.

No, really. Everywhere.

He sent it on the counter by the sink, which is where the bar is. The glass went over the bar into the living room - including around the wall - and covered the kitchen floor and the floor out in the piano room. It also broke the garbage disposal.

We needed to clean the floors anyway.

White? What?

Seriously.

Two days ago it was in the 70's and I was wearing a tank top and open-toed shoes. Today we got up and it was snowing. In a few days it will be 60 again.

Seriously, Texas. One season at a time, please!

The Holidays

I do love Thanksgiving and Christmas. Everyone is nice. You get to see family and friends that you don't see very often. AND you get to eat a lot.

The only downside?

These so called school "vacations". Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. And I know that they need breaks from school. But, really, it's not a vacation. At least not for the parents.

My kids get a week off for Thanksgiving. That's 9 days (including bookend weekends) that they are home. 9 days in a row. 9 days of trying to entertain 2 children.

I looked at the calendar today and realized that there are only 3 short weeks until Christmas vacation. Where there will be 16 days that must be filled.

Is it time for my vacation yet?

Why's It Called a Vacation?

There really is nothing vacationy about Thanksgiving vacation. At least not for parents. All it is is an extra five days where we have to try and entertain bored little children. Except for the one day of eating.

Yes, my teacher friends love it and I do not blame them and I'm glad they get a break. It's just sad that their happiness comes at such a price.

Oh, wait. It's THANKSgiving. So, I will be thankful today for:

The above mentioned little children. Because they are healthy and happy and mine!

2nd Six Weeks

Here is a chronicle of MB's second six weeks in school. Ever.

Week 1 - Good Week. Sick on Day 4.

Week 2 - Short Week (Holiday Monday). Day 1 Check for 'Not Showing Effort'. Day 4 - Check for hitting a classmate.

Week 3 - Day 2 Check for climbing and jumping in the classroom. Day 3 check for running and chasing in the classroom. Day 4 Check for hitting a classmate.

Week 4 - Day 1 Check for writing and drawing pictures ON the table.

Week 5 - Day 1 Check for not giving folder to teacher like they do EVERY day. Day 2 check for ignoring directions.

Week 6 - Day 2 Check for playing in the bathroom; Check for hitting a classmate. Day 3 check for being loud in the hall; check for talking during instructions time. Day 4 check for deciding to erase the white board; check for pushing a classmate.

Week 6 ends tomorrow. That's 14 checks. In Kindergarten. Oh, help me.

Haircut!

MB got a haircut last night. With Minimal Crying!!!



Isn't he the handsomist boy ever?? :)

It's Not That Bad

I'm not sure if MB is totally feeling up to par. I mean, he's always rather whiny, but today was quite insane.

Case in point - when asked to put away his clean clothes, he cried like someone had just ran over his puppy with a mac truck.

Really? Over laundry? I shudder to think what he might do if asked to wash his clothes!

Could've Been REALLY Embarassing

So, I was at my uncle's house Thursday/Friday to get his office and paper-y stuff unpacked and organized. (I know - I'm such a fantastic niece.) I was digging around in his garage looking for the 1 million folders we had packed up for him (which I found out later were at his storage unit = helpful), which meant moving a few boxes around.

One particular box was the on top of two other boxes, and I needed to look in the other boxes. Of course, the TOP box was full of books. Really? I'm pretty careful about how I lift things, etc..., because my back doesn't like me most of the time.

So, slide the box over, grab it and then put it down. Bend at the knees. Almost drop box and the a terrible sound and cool air.

Yes. My pants completely ripped.

Thought 1) How does that happen? I'm not too big for them. In fact, I've been working out!

Thought 2) Crap, now I have to spend money and buy new pants. (Doing the Dave Ramsey budget thing puts a cramp in my spontaneous style.)

Thought 3) Thank goodness my uncle was out of town and it was just girls at the house.

Thought 4) Thank goodness my mom was with me so she can go home and get me pants.

Thought 5) She needs to hurry since my adopted cousin who is a guy is stopping by and we're going to lunch - in public.

Now I have to buy new jeans. I loved those jeans. RIP Favorite Blue Jeans.

The Random Kindness of Strangers

So, after a long day of sifting through massive amounts of paperwork from who knows when as I attempted to organize my uncle's new office, I was pretty tired and dusty. I decided that cooking was not going to happen, and that pumpkin pancakes from iHop were calling my name. (If you've never had IHop pumpkin pancakes, you really must.)

So, off we go. We ordered and waited (which wasn't that long but seems long because of two bouncing and hungry children). The people next to us got there food, which is fine since they ordered right after us. Then, the people behind us got there food, which wasn't as fine since they had just ordered. I finally realize that they were getting our food. By the time we all noticed, their kids had started pawing away. So, the waiter took it and had the kitchen remake it.

He finally brings out our food (which came out rather quickly the second time), and I am - of course - thinking a little bit of a discount is in order. :) Turns out, so was the waiter.

"I'm really sorry about the mix up," he says. "I'd give you a discount but..."

Here I think "really? There's a but?"

"...someone already paid for your food."

Wow. I was a little stunned. Ok, a lot stunned.

Pretty awesome! Jesus does cool things sometimes just to remind you He's there. :)

Another one...

When describing the water at bathtime:

"It's like a bunch of warm and hot and one cold, so it's hot."

AAARGH!

Slow morning with whiny children.

Fighting commenced IMMEDIATELY upon reentering house after school.

Much disobedience and whining continued through dinner.

A plate was dropped and shattered ALL OVER the floor during the chore of unloading the dishwasher.causing mommy to have to sweep and vacuum.

After said plate was dropped, two children were sent upstairs to brush teeth and put on jammies.

Thumping and fighting occured during supposed teeth brushing time.

Actual "I am hurt" crying carried through the house not long after.

MB was found holding his stepping stool and sitting on top of the toilet bawling like crazy. MG was hiding. Why? MG decided that she wanted to KICK MB nice and hard in the shoulder. Why? Shrug was the answer.

Needless to say, the day ended VERY early for said children.

Facts of the Day

1) Houses are buildings.

2) Vomit is disgusting.

3) MB is the funnest brother in the world.

4) When you pee, all your water comes out.

5) When you have to go #2, a hug will hurt.

Bathroom Facts

As MB was going potty.

"All my pee in my body, well, all my water in my body, I'm, like, peeing it out. All the water is coming out when I pee."

Halloween

My babies are adorable! Bumblebee and the Pink Fairy. :)

I Love Bargains

Sweater and 3 lip glosses from Victoria's Secret.

Sweater - $58
Lip Gloss - $7 each
Total - $79 plus tax and shipping

What?

Here's the fun part!

Sweater - On SALE for $39
Lip Gloss - Free with sweater purchase
Sale - 25% off one item for the day
Gift Card - Balance of $28 and change
Total paid - $10.51 including tax and shipping!!

Who doesn't love a bargain, especially when it's something ou really want!

What a Morning!

So, I've gotten in the (wonderful) habit of going back to bed for a little bit after the kids get on the bus. Why? Because I can, so there.

MG was supposed to have a field trip today to the Outdoor Learning Center. Well, it was cold and really rainy when we got up and an e-mail from her teacher said they were most likely going to cancel it. Which was good because I hadn't made her sack lunch and probably wouldn't have time!

This morning was no exception to the morning nap. And I had a headache, so I had a good excuse. I'd been laying there for a few minutes when I hear my phone buzzing from under something. I dig for it and see it's from the school. Really? I knew they were calling to tell me it the field trip was still on.

And it was her teacher. No way! It's too gross out and the kids wouldn't have any fun slogging through the cold, wet day. But, alas, it was still on and MG had no lunch!

So, at 7:51, I jump out of bed and 20 minutes later I am ready to leave the house - dressed, enough makeup to not look terrible, enough hair done to not look terrible, and a sack lunch. I run up, brush my teeth and grab my shoes. As I'm running down the stairs to get out the door so my baby doesn't starve to death (because you know they will if they don't eat every half second), the phone rings again.

Guess what? It's the teacher, and the field trip had just been canceled.

A Sad Goodbye

I said goodbye to someone yesterday.

Someone I shouldn't have had to say goodbye to.

Oh, I've said goodbye to this person before. I mean, everybody says goodbye to everyone they know all the time. After church goodbye, after dinner goodbye, after vacation goodbye. Quite common.

No, this goodbye was different.

It was one of those goodbye's that is said with a sense of deep sadness and a heavy heart. A goodbye that people tried to stop, but couldn't. A goodbye that was prayed to please not have happen, but did. A goodbye that was wrong and horrid and awkward and sad and crazy.

There was not one shred of anything remotely un-sad in this goodbye. The worst goodbye you could imagine aside from the goodbye that comes with a death.

Although, in a sense, this goodbye did come with a death.

A sad goodbye.

Flying Monkey

This is so funny.

So, because it's been raining and the yard and driveway are like a swamp, the kids have been going through the garage in the mornings. You know, less distance to run to the bus in the rain.

This morning, they went into the garage before me and I stood just inside the laundry room. (No shoes. :)) I turned to open the garage door, and I hear a noise. I look over and MB had, for some reason, decided that grabbing onto the bottom of the garage door would be ok, but letting go wouldn't. So there he is, gripping the door and getting higher into the air. His little legs were dangling and he and his sister were both having a meltdown. I couldn't get over there fast enough (again, no shoes and the garage is a work zone right now), so she grabs him and pulls him down.

Of course, he hurt his fingers, and was hiding from me the rest of the morning. Probably because he was so embarrassed for having done something so ridiculous! Yes, I scolded him, but haven't really stopped laughing at the picture of him going up into the air as he hung on for dear life. To have had a camera!

Isms 4

Today, MB was going potty and singing quite loudly. I asked him if he was done.
"I'm off the toilet. Oh, and singing is good for your brain."

Completely random as he gets ready to brush his teeth (and after a rare 10 seconds of silence).
"Oh, and some people are aliens."
(Pause)
"Because, um, if they're going to save people, they have to be aliens."

He's also been on this thing lately where he is a snow leopard.
"Did you know that snow leopards sit like this?" (Sits) "Like criss-cross-applesauce with their hands down."

I Have To Ask...

WTF?

I know, I'm not supposed to quasi-say words like that. But I can't help it. Why?

FAMILIES are being attacked.

Right now, FOUR families/marriages of people I know - whether close friends or acquaintances - are being torn apart. How many others that I don't know about?

That's four couples who are now contemplating or going through with a divorce. Some of them have children, who are now faced with the prospect of mom and dad not being together any more.

So, yes, I think I'm right in saying WTF.

Having been through this, I know first hand the effects of a broken family. And now my heart breaks for these four families. My only response is to 1) let them know I care and am here if they need me and 2) CRY OUT to God.

There is a war going on, and it's time that we stepped up and fought it.

Isms 3

Yesterday was a holiday for the kids.

Bapa (to MB), "You didn't go to school today, so you're brain shrunk. It's probably the size of my thumb now."

MB, "No, Bapa! If it was that small it would fall down your throat."

Not Again!

Today I had a job interview. YAY! I hope I get it. It would be at the best place ever!

Anyway, that is not what today's blog is about. When I got out of the interview, my phone was buzzing and I missed a second phone call. It was from the house, the first phone call having been from the school. The voice mail said that MB had decided to throw up in his class.

Awesome. At least it wasn't on my floor this time.

We are going to have some mommy/son time tomorrow.

More Isms

Mommy, "Bud, will you go outside real quick and see if you need your little jackets this morning?"

A few seconds later when MB comes back in..

"No, it's not cold. It just smells, like an old man."

Uh-Huh.

"Well, no, it smells like a jungle that is broken and all the animals are gone."

Mommy and MG, "Huh?" (As MG giggles.)

"We don't need our jackets. It's just really, really disgusting, like a skunk."

And proceed to MB and MG going on about skunk scenarios.

Isms

MB is funny.

When telling me that his sister wasn't doing what she was supposed to, he told her what to do. Well, almost.
"Well, I didn't really say it to her. I just said it through my mind."
He also doesn't read out loud. He is "reading through my mind."

When playing with' a Chick-Fil-A cow Pez dispenser, he was (what I call) 'moo-singing". It went something like this:
MB "Moomoo-moo [in a song]. Mommy, do cows sing? I think cows sing."
Mommy "Ok then."
MB (after more mooing), "Well, cows just moo. How can they sing if they just moo?"

Bathtime is fun because the water is always too hot. Then too cold.
Mommy "Is the water good?"
MB, "Too hot!" (In a whiny voice.)
Repeat 4 or 5 times.
MB, "The water is stuck together water."
Mommy, "Stuck together?"
MB, "Yep, it's not cold and it's not hot. It's when the cold water makes the hot water colder. It's stuck together."
Mommy, "So the water is warm now?"
MB, "Yep."

I'm sure there will be more!

Prayer...

I was woken up this morning and told something awful. I immediately fell to my knees to pray, but when I got there I realized I didn't know how. I'm sure everyone needs to pray for something sometimes, but there are no words. How do you pray? What are you supposed to pray for? What words do you use?

Romans 8:26-27 says "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."

This is one of those times when all I can do is ask the Holy Spirit to intercede. As a human, we want to be in control, and so asking someone else - even the Spirit! - to pray for us takes some of that away. BUT, HE knows our hearts better than we do, and the prayers that HE hears aren't words, but our hearts.

Fight!

Yesterday, my phone rang. It was the principal from the kids' school.

I thought it was MG, but she's been quite good so far this year. It was not her, but MB.

First thing out of my mouth, "What did he do?"

The principal assured me that he wasn't in trouble. She just needed to make me aware of an 'altercation' that had taken place in which another little boy had decided (for reasons still totally unknown) to walk up to MB in the hall and start hitting him. One of the shots landed just under his eye.

To MB's credit, she said

NEWS FLASH:
We interrupt the regularly scheduled blog to bring you this tidbit.

As I was writing this, MB (who didn't feel well when he came home) came running into my room and said he just puked on the floor (he had been in the office). He then proceeded to throw up on my floor. And as I tried to run him into the bathroom, where the door was shut because MG was in the shower, and he projectiled through my fingers on to the door and all over the floor. His jammy shirt was covered in it, as well. I think a little bit made it into the toilet.

Ah, the joys of motherhood. What a wonderful end to a (sarcastic) wonderful week.

Glass

Glass
Written by Gavin DeGraw
From the album 'Free'

Fool you made the girl fall in love
You said those beautiful things
She thought you spoke things you mean

Caress her skin like it's glass
She hears your voice making plans
And she just breaks in your hands

You don't wanna see somebody beg
As you feel her heart surrender you begin to fall
How do you say that something's through
When it never even started, at least not for you

She's dreaming back on the past
Every opinion agreed
Doesn't know what to believe

It must have been for a cause
Our lives have so many doors
Don't think about him anymore

But it was the kiss, it took me away
It's like he knew that I am fragile
He handled me like glass

And knowing this I know that he'll get his
But I don't want the man to suffer
Not the way I am

'Cause deep down I know that he's glass too
And it really doesn't matter until it's happenin' to you
Everybody breaks, everybody breaks sometimes, sometimes

Why?

I have to admit that I ask that question a lot.

Why?

And, I have to admit that I ask that question of God a lot.

Why?

I've really struggled with it lately. For some reason the last few days have been exceptionally hard for me. I wonder WHY things happen.

WHY do some choices seem to haunt you forever? Doesn't there come a time when you've paid your penance?

WHY do some things happen that raise and then dash your hopes? Again? Hasn't it been painful enough?

WHY is it so hard to stay hopeful? WHY does it feel as if He is ignoring you? WHY can't the years of struggle and pain end? WHY is the "little while" of suffering stretch on and on and on?

And WHY is my faith so fickle? Is it because I've been hoping for so long, and as the years drag by and the prayers haven't been answered and the hopes haven't been fulfilled and the dreams are fading?

WHY?

There is a song by Barlow Girl that I still love. I sing it to myself quite a bit - especially when I feel abandoned. I just hope and pray and try to have faith that He'll show Himself soon.

I waited for You today
But You didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

A Horrible, Terrible Wound

It's been a beautiful weekend. After 8 days of rain (yes, 8 - felt like I was in Vancouver), the sun came out and it hasn't been stifling hot. SO, that means that the kids can go outside!!

They were out most of the day yesterday, and they are out there today. About 10 SECONDS after they went outside, MG comes in and yells "[MB] hurt his self really bad!" Which says to me that there probably is some blood. But how much? I could hear him crying in the garage.

So, I gather my little ouchie arsenal - BooBoo juice (non-stinging foamy cleanser), BooBoo cream (Neosporin-like stuff), Disney bandaids and a wet (dark colored) rag. Out I go, and he's got a wet paper towel (his sister can be sweet sometimes!) on his toe and he's just crying buckets.

Over I go, take the paper towel off to find.... a tiny scratch. I'm sure it hurt, because it was on the top of his big toe, but I was all prepared for a missing toe!

Mommy, of course, cleaned it up with her special things, and he got to pick out his bandaid. (He chose Mickey in a space-suit today.) All better!

Lesson for today: Children are over-dramatic.

Shocking

I just have to say that The Electric Company is an awesome show. Both my kids love it and they learn stuff. Yay for PBS!!

I, like, totally, like Live Here!

So, after 4 years of living with my parents, I'm totally moved in.

What do you mean, you ask?

Well, for 4 years, my poor little car has been subjected to the random elements. Storms, trees falling, hail, and so on. Which, of course, means that I - and my kiddos - have always had to be in the rain, snow, or whatever might be going on to get in and out of the car.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am thrilled to announce that, after said 4 years, I get my own garage space.

Yes, you read that right. I get to park IN THE GARAGE!!!

We got new garage doors today. They both work. (Yes, that is worth noting seeing as how one of them has not worked pretty much since my parents bought the house 7 years ago.) And I got my very own garage door opener for my very own garage space.

You know, it's the little things in life.

Thanks, Dad and Mom!!

Sadness

MB got a Dum-Dum at church today. I promised he could eat it after dinner. He took a long nap today (has to be up late), and I woke him up and got him out of bed quite fast at the mention of said lollipop. He meandered downstairs in a somewhat drunkenly fashion (he was still half-asleep), and immediately got the lollipop.

"I just want to open it," says he.

"Fine, just don't even put it in your mouth until after you eat dinner," says I.

I make dinner, and as I put it down in front of him I look down to see a lollipop stick coming out of his mouth. It took me a moment to register, and then I did.

MB got smacked. Then the lollipop got ripped out of his mouth and taken away.

As I stood on the other side of the kitchen, I looked over and he had the most tragic/dumbfounded/in shock/sad face ever. And then I couldn't help it.

I laughed.

I know - awful. NEVER laugh when you've just gotten your child in trouble. It will either a) make it worse or, b) he will forget why he was in trouble. In this case, it was choice a.

He immediately disappeared under the table and cried. So then I felt bad, and had to go give him lots of kisses - all while still trying to stop laughing. And I had to say I was sorry for laughing, but still try to keep some semblance of discipline in it. He still didn't get the lollipop, so there's that.

Moral? Really try harder when you think you're going to laugh.

Sigh.

Fitness 101

I finally did it. I finally made myself start working out again.

Am I feeling ok? Yes.

I really have no excuse. Unless my back is out (which does happen sometimes - two kids can definitely mess you up), there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that I can't do something. I mean, I have everything I need in my room!

I've got a mini-stair-stepper, and balance ball, and a pair of light free weights. In my room. I see them every day. Maybe I'm just lazy. Hmmm.

So, Monday night, I told myself to just suck it up and do it. Here are a few things I have discovered.

1) I do not feel energized after a workout. In fact, I just want to go to bed. Therefore, I do it at night after the kids are in bed. Then I can shower and put my jammies on and sleep!

2) Music is important to workout to. I have discovered that something with a funky beat is great. I get a nice, consistent thing going. AND, I can jam on my stair-stepper. That's right, I dance and step. I'm that talented.

3) When I discover that working out really does make you look better, I'll let you know. :)

Random compliments will be accepted.

Another week is over. The kids did great. Mommy? Not so much.

I guess I feel completely and totally let down by a few beings, human and otherwise.

Hurt and raw.

Yet another disappointment. Another painful experience to tuck away and hopefully forget.

There's been too much of that over the last several years. I had hoped that it might be over.

No.

But life goes on, I suppose.

Another SpongeBob Moment

Dinner was hamburger patties with shredded carrots and potatoes. How to coerce the kids into eating them?

In walks MB.

"Are those Krabby Patties?"

"Yes. Yes they are."

They each ate two. :)

Can I Handle It?

MB is popular.

Monday, Week 1

He calls her Peanuts because she calls him peanuts.

Monday, Week 2

"She gave me a kiss today." This is after I asked if he had friends, and he promptly answered, "I do NOT have a girlfriend." And right after he said, "I said, "Get away!"

Sigh. I don't know if I want a popular, handsome, sweet and funny little boy. I might need the shotgun more for him!

What We Did Today

Today actually had a schedule. Quite exciting! Would you like to see my day? It's fun. (PS - 'Stay-at-home' mom is such a ridiculous term.)

6:15 - Alarm rings. NOOOOOOOO. Snooze button...
6:25 - Alarm rings. Again. Still NOOOOO. But can't do the snooze button. Drag my (very sore) self out of bed. NOTE to self: Furniture moving is not good for the back.
6:32 - Sing the morning song to MG. Tickle her and generally annoy until she is fully awake. Get clothes out.
6:35 - Sing the morning song to MB. He was already awake, but I like to sing the morning song when I'm still half-asleep. Drag him out of bed, get clothes.
6:40 - MG finally out of bed. MB comes out. Remind 87.3 times to go to the bathroom and get dressed.
6:47 - Finally start MG's hair. Remind 48.6 times to hold still - she doesn't and the curling iron touches her head which causes more wiggling.
6:56 - MG and I downstairs. Remind MB once more to put socks on.
6:57 - No time for a real breakfast, so generic rice crispies and half an apple each.
7:09 - Start the 'go back upstairs' process.
7:13 - Finally back up the stairs. Remind 63.8 times to brush teeth.
7:17 - Run downstairs because, by now, we a a few minutes behind schedule. (Shouldn't have pushed snooze button. Sigh.) Remind 113.5 times to put shoes on. At least 76.1 to get backpacks.
7:22 - Out door JUST as bus pulls up. Whew!

7:25 - Start load of laundry.
7:30 - Back upstairs, sit on couch, stare at computer willing brain to kick in.
8:00 - Decide to eat a bowl of generic rice crispies. mmmm.
8:20 - Laundry in dryer
8:30 - Finally decide to get ready. Decide to not iron and pick new shirt. Out the door on time at
9:15 - Need new car.
9:30 - Meeting #1 with children's ministry. Exciting stuff!
12:20 - Wrap up meeting.
12:25 - Call mom and tell her to meet me for lunch. (She's on the way to the Wal-Mart.)
12:35 - Lunch w/ mom and Applebee's
1:30 - Meeting #2 at Starbuck's. Grande Passion Iced Tea, Sweetened, and a piece of coffee cake. MMMM.
2:10 - Second meeting done.
2:25 - Home. Fold laundry. Watch part of Top Chef Las Vegas.
3:10 - Think about snack time for the kids. Come up empty.

3:17 - Kids home. Loudness reigns.
3:20 - 4:15 - Kids eat random snacks until I make them stop. Remind 423.9 times to put shoes and backpacks away. Finally get them to do their ONE chore of dishwasher unloading.
4:45 - Start dinner then realize it's only 4:45. (Not used to all this evening time.)
5:30 - Start dinner again - for real this time.
6:15 - Sister - oh thank goodness for her - gives kids bath. My back hurts so very bad and I think I might cry. Chiropractor Appt tomorrow!!!!
6:58 - Remind MG again that she needs to dry her hair!

And that is where we are. They go to bed at 7:30 on school nights. Yes, early, but last night MG got 43 times and didn't go to sleep until almost 9:00. MB is now tattling on MG because she is still not getting out of her bad to dry her hair. Time to intervene! And, no, homework was not really accomplished, although I DID look to see how to do my next assignment.

School's Begun!

Look how cute they are on the first day of school!



MG is buying 'different' clothes. This is a cute shirt with leggings!! I'm quite proud of her!

Transformers is slowly replacing Cars in MB's world. His backpack and shoes are Transformers, and we bought a pair of Transformer sandal's for non-school. He is so big now!

Of course, we were worried about him actually getting on the bus when the time came. But, as you can see, I could barely snap a picture of him! He was practically on the bus before it stopped!



They both came home excited. MB loves it, and thinks it's awesome he gets to go every day! MG is excited, but a little worried about how she will do. I, of course, tell her how smart she is and that she will do awesome!!

And so another school year begins.

My Banana's Are Burnin'!

First, we made it through our haircut!! MB did quite well. We are now prepared for kindergarten (and fourth grade). It only took a big chunk of money. WHY does stuff have to be so expensive??

Second, I survived my first time leading worship for a bunch of kids. I say survived because I realized just how out of shape I was. I wish they sold energy in a bottle. (Real energy. Not caffeine induced energy.)

Ok, so here's the thing. I decided to make a slushy today. (It's healthier than ice cream, ok?) I make delicious slushies/smoothies, just in case you were wondering. I spent 5 minutes digging in the freezer to find the banana's that I knew my mom had frozen. Of course, they were whole and un-peeled, and therefore I had to microwave them in order to get the peel off. My sister informed me that you have to cut the little stem off because they catch fire. Well, that's what the mom said happened. So, I cut the top off and then looked at it. Then I looked at my sister.

Yes, I put the little stem in the microwave.

Yes, it caught fire!

It was pretty cool, actually. We were standing there, staring in the microwave, and heard a pop and a flame burst up! Good times!

Lesson of the Day - Banana stems DO catch fire in the microwave!

Not Again!

Today is haircut day. We are going to a 'special' place. (If you don't understand the dread, read this.) I have promised lunch - he's chosen Wendy's - and a treat - a frosty, of course. I've gone on and on about what a big boy he is, and about kindergarten and he's five and so on. Of course, he would be extra whiny and cranky today. Pray for my sanity!

On another note, my nine-year-old finally got over whatever fear she had of blowing her nose. No joke. I don't think she's been able to breathe properly in years. Whatever Geemaw did this morning is a miracle! I asked if she could breath, and she could! Then she stated that one side felt kind of funny. I told her it was because she was feeling what a clear nose should feel like. Yes, I'm excited about it!

Off to add to the hair saga!

Summer Monday Crazy's

Only one more week until school begins. I can't wait! The children are driving me absolutely crazy!

MB is still really tired from the camping trip and has been extra whiny and quite cranky today. Which means that MG has annoyed him extra today. Which causes more whining and fighting and occasional pain inflicted on one of them.

A few moments ago MB got hurt somehow and blamed it on MG, and then they were fighting and both got smacked on the backside. Of course, MB acted like he had been beaten half to death. I think it hurt my hand more than him!

So, this is the last of the Summer Monday Crazy's. Next week starts the School Monday Crazy's!

One Week Ends

I LOVE singing. Have I mentioned that yet? We had a fantabulous time of worship at all services this weekend. AND, if you want to watch the fabulousness, we live stream it now! Check out valleycreek.org on Saturdays at 5:30 or Sundays at 9:30 or 11:00. (Dallas time!)

I'll also get a chance to sing even more because I finally broke down and volunteered to lead worship in the Children's Ministry. They were in dire need. I am slowly getting back on track to take over the church again. Student Ministry is getting me as well. Mwa-ha-ha. (Read that in an evil tone.)

MB got back from his mandatory pre-Kindergarten camping trip. Bapa said he had a felony amount of fun. He's ready for 'big boy' school now!

Sorry, but no funny or really interesting stories today. I did warn you. (Mwa-ha-ha!)

Yay for Saturday's!

We had a pretty good day today. I 'finished' my essay. (And I use that term loosely since I wasn't really sure what to do with it.) Only a million more to finish before I finish.

MG got to watch Princess Diaries 2. Oh, she was just in girly-heaven this weekend!

MB is still camping and having so much fun. He caught a fish today, went on a canoe ride on the river, saw/rode (not sure which) on an old train. Bapa decided they would stay the second night because MB asked! I can't wait to hear all about it.

Church was fantastic! It was SO good to be back and singing. (Have I mentioned I love singing?) A slightly low set, but still fun!

I have decided to let some things go, too, today. I figure that God will take care of it. It's hard, but there it is.

Now, nachos and Hostess Cupcakes await!

AND it's Friday

1) Quick trip to that horrid of horrid places - Wal-Mart. Needed pants for MB because...

2) Pre-Kindergarten camping trip with Bapa! He also got some brand new 'water' boots (aka - waterproof) and a new Wall-E flashlight! Look how cute he is:














3) Homework. Gag. So making this assignment up!

4) Star Trek for One Dollar! What could be better? Um, nothing. BB and I had a great "date." LOL! Then cheesy biscuits. MMM.

5) THEN, a trip to the Urgent Care for my mother. We won't go into details, but she's find now that she has drugs. I told her, thought, to NEVER again start a conversation with, "I need you to take me to the emergency room..." Not cool.

6) MG had a wonderful evening, and had eaten an entire pint of ice cream while watching The Princess Diaries for the first time. She was in heaven!

I kind of like this list thing.

End.

Thursday Is After Wednesday

Last night I went to worship practice for the first time in what feels like forever! We'll be doing a new song. I just hope my voice doesn't fail me - it's been so long since I've sang like that!

Then, on the way home, actual crying came from the back seat after MB smacked MG, and then MG felt it appropriate to punch MB in the eye. A very lovely end to the evening.

Today consisted of swimming with my baby elfin cousin (SO CUTE), and pizza for dinner (again).

THEN, MB had to get what I shall call a 'butt-brushing.' Let's just say that he learned the hard way that our toothbrush is for our mouth only. Lots of crying ensued.

No, it's not very exciting, but I warned you!

Explosions?

The oven exploded today.

Not into a fiery ball, thank goodness. More like a gaseous 'poof'. We think there is something wrong with the broiler. You see, I thought I was going to broil the mini-bagel-pizza's, then decided to just bake them. I turned off the broiler and remembered that my mom had told me they had a near-explosion when switching quickly from one to the other, so I waited. Obviously didn't work, because I hear a loud "whoosh' and turned to see the oven door slam shut. Needless to say, we are calling a repair man AND ceasing use of the broiler until further notice.

All is well, and I am enjoying my mini-bagel-pizza's while my children 'clean' their rooms so they can eat.

I know...

I am TERRIBLE at updating this blog. I promise I will try to do better. I suppose my life is SO boring that there really isn't anything exciting to write. So, here is a quick rundown of the few things that have happened:

1) I lost my job at the beginning of June.

2) I was upset about my job loss, but then I snapped out of it and realized God MUST have something wonderous planned for me. So,

3) I decided to go to school. At the ripe old age of 31 I am a college student! Online, of course. Much less expensive and easier to deal with when you have children. How am I paying for it. Yay for VA benefits!!! And grants. So, I'm actually making money to go to school. Nice.

4) In honor of my job-less status, I took a month long 'vacation' of sorts. The kids went to their father's, so I went to the bustling metropolis of Charlottesville, VA. I had a lovely time, during which I

5) spent my birthday weekend in Washington, DC! SO cool! And WAY too much to see! I think my brain exploded slightly from grandeur overload, but still very awesome!

6) Now I am doing school work and hoping to get a part-time job, plus raising my little humans (BOTH of which will go to school this fall!) and attempting to write my first book. Plus the usual church stuff and so on.

That's what's up in a nutshell. I'll try to write something every day (for those of you who are complaining to me, and you know who you are), but I can't promise that I will or that it will be very interesting.

AND... end.

SYTYCD

I have decided to blog about some of my favorite shows. Why? Because I can. And it's easier than coming up with original stuff. :) And I've wanted to for a while anyway. I'll still throw in the ocassional life story as they come up, but this is way more fun on a daily basis!

Ok, so I LOVE this show. It is the only 'reality' show that I watch on Fox, and only one of maybe four that I watch total. (I know - only four out of the 87,000 that are available.) I must write a little something today. (PS - From now on I will blog in a more timely manner as to impart my wisdom in detail. I know you can't wait!)

So, last year we learned how idiotic the American public can be in the whole voting thing. Remember when Will was voted off? That was totally shocking. Hey, Joshua was awesome, and deserved to win, but the early offing of Will still amazes me.

Which brings me to last nights show. WHY was Ade in the bottom two guys? I like Evan. He's got a great personality and is fun to watch, but doesn't have the same talent as Ade. Would anyone like to explain that to me? Thank goodness he wasn't voted off.

Other observations from this week:

- Jason and Jeanine finally got to show that they really can dance. Fantastic routine by Travis Wall. I hope they have him choreograph a lot more!

- I agree with Debbie Allen. The Paso Doble needs to stop! Unless you are Spanish and totally manly/powerful/whatever, you'll never be able to pull it off. I have yet to see it done even remotely good on this show.

- People, you MUST do better solos!! I wasn't excited about any of them this week. Most of them just seemed frantic and didn't really fit the music. If you want America to vote for you, show us!

That is it for today. A few side notes. The new show 'Dark Blue' on TNT had a good opening. 'Psych' starts up August 7, as does the final season of 'Monk'. I also saw a preview of a new USA show called 'White Collar' that could be promising.

Happy TV watching!

Valuable Life Lesson #2

MB is gaining all sorts of wisdom this summer. Never squirt orange spray directly up your anus is an important one. So is not standing directly over the squirting water fountains when you are a boy.

As usual, crying and hysterics ensued this evening. And a rash-like spot was discovered on his boy bits. Bathtime and gentle anti-bacterial washing (just in case) brought more tears. We then talked about how, when playing in the fountains, we shouldn't let the water shoot directly into the delicate areas.

Stay tuned for more of life's most important lessons brought to you by a ever-wiser five-year-old.

My Answer

I thought that I would go on a little rant today. I’ve thought about why I believe that my God is the one true God. This is a somewhat disjointed answer, and could be easily disputed by “religious experts”, but this is what I have concluded. (And, like a good Christian, I’ve thrown in some scripture!!)

First, I want to say that, like most people that truly follow Christ, I do not believe in “religion”. I believe that it is the way you live your life, the relationship you have with Him and with those around you that defines a Christian. I do hesitate to even use that word since it has such a troubled connotation to it. I do not believe in denominational rules and regulations. Unless God’s word says it, don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. He demands our love, not perfection, and rules show neither. (Pharisees and Sadducees anyone?)

So, I look no further than the worlds reaction to confirm my belief in the one true God. Tell me what other “religion” is so frowned upon and persecuted as Christianity? What other belief system is so untolerated in such a “tolerant” world? The world instinctively rejects the truth. A world ruled by flesh is going to turn its back on the thought that the things of the flesh aren’t always right.

Those in Muslim countries are forced to practice Islam. Many regimes will kill those who do not want to bow down to Allah. They may be given a chance to "repent", but Christianity is automatic death. No second chances. A religion started by a delusion most likely caused by a mental illness? Sign me up.

Jeremiah 23:16 - This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD.

Jeremiah 50:36 - A sword against her false prophets! They will become fools. A sword against her warriors! They will be filled with terror.

Hinduism worships pretty much anything that moves. Cows are big, and trees, rivers, probably cats. I’m not sure what can be gained by spreading yourself so thin. Spend too much time trying to please the wind and the sun could get mad. It sounds complicated.

Matthew 7:15 - Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.

Mark 13:21-23a - At that time if anyone says to you, 'Look, here is the Christ!' or, 'Look, there he is!' do not believe it. For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform signs and miracles to deceive the elect—if that were possible. So be on your guard…

Buddhists spend more time and food for their offerings to one of many bald statues, while in many cases their families do not have enough to eat.

2 Peter 2:1 - But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves.

1 John 4:1 - Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

China is an atheist country. But, only the Christians are harassed and arrested and jailed. How often have you heard of a Muslim being jailed in China?

Deuteronomy 12:31 - You must not worship the LORD your God in their way, because in worshiping their gods, they do all kinds of detestable things the LORD hates. They even burn their sons and daughters in the fire as sacrifices to their gods.

Which brings me back to America. For such a “tolerant” nation, we are very intolerant of all things Christian. Let’s dive right to the extreme. 9/11. Muslim extremists. The media was very careful to make sure that we know that it was extremists and that it did not reflect on the entire Islam religion. Thousands of people lost their lives. Terrorism in its worst form. A horrible tragedy all in the name of Allah. One so-called Christian kills an abortionist, and the entire Christian community is painted as fanatics. I realize that there is more than one of these sad crimes, but they are individuals acting alone. Not terrorism, just stupidity and false beliefs.

I have rarely, if ever, heard of any other belief system being so rejected. If all gods are the same god, including the Christian God, why are they not treated equally? Why is the God of the Bible the one that is branded as the wrong one (Micah 6:8)? Why aren’t the gods that seem cause the most turmoil (hello, Middle East and India) the ones that are questioned (Isaiah 57:21)? Why the God of peace (Psalm 85:8; Romans 14:17; 1 Corinthians 14:33), the God that sacrificed so much for us (Hebrews 10:10; the whole Jesus dying on the cross thing), the God that loves us unconditionally (Deuteronomy 7:9; Nehemiah 1:5; Psalm 66:20; John 3:16)?

I am not an expert. My ramblings can be argued with, probably pretty convincingly. I only know what I believe. That’s just one more wonderful thing about God – the right to choose (Joshua 24:15). I know the world will never honor the choice of God as my Lord, but He will.

Oranges Are NOT Always Good

MB learned a valuable lesson today.

I heard crying in the bathroom and thought nothing of it. Someone is always whining and crying about something. A few seconds later it turned into real crying and MG decided to announce that MB was crying. (Never one to state the obvious.) I went in there and MB, by this time, was screaming and crying and in absolute hysterics.

He was clutching his butt, carrying on. I thought maybe he needed to go but it hurt, and he told me (in so many words and cries) that he had already gone. So then I thought maybe it was a big one and hurt, or maybe hemorrhoids (which are always pleasant). So we got the Tucks out and he was still spazzing.

This goes on for at least 20 minutes, then Bapa suggested we put him in a warm bath. I filled the tub just enough, and he soaked in it for a while and slowly started feeling better.
Oh, the end of the story is so much better.

A little while later, Bapa came out of the TV room laughing. Through Dominic’s random chattering, a confession of sorts slowly emerged. Then the Invisible Man (his words, no joke) decided the natural orange room spray (I emphasize natural and chemical-free) needed to be sprayed at the source of the smell.

That’s right. He had air-freshened his butt-crack. Life Lesson Learned.

More Hair

The hair saga continues. If you recall, my children’s hair is a source of great confuzzlement to me. What is also a great confuzzlement to me is MB’s reaction to haircuts.

Honestly, you would think that we were murdering him in the most horrific way humanly possible. So, when it is haircut time, we must all brace ourselves and hope that the neighbors do NOT call the police for child torturing.


Of course, I can’t exactly blame him when Bapa does this to him:












He made much less of a commotion when Uncle How fixed it:










HMMMM....

Big Boy Room!

My dad is ridiculously handy. If MB learns even half of what he knows, he'll be pretty handy.

My kids have been sharing a room for the past several years, and my parents decided it was time they have their own. Since we only have three rooms upstairs - and four people - that posed a problem. But only momentary. Let's put MB in the attic!!

This is the attic:

Good place for a four-year-old, don't you think? No? That's ok, because this is what it really looks like after just a few short weeks...

New Guy

Here’s a bit of news. Remember NTF2 (HERE if you don’t)? Well, oddly (because, you know, it was Mexico and they’re usually just stories to tell) he is now what I will simply call DBF. You know, Dr. Boyfriend. (He wanted Dr. somewhere in his name, so there it is. I’m great, I know.)

I’ll wait for the shock to wear off.



Ok, better? Strange, but true. Mexico hilarity turns into something pretty awesome. And the fact that he has met my crazy family and LIKED them and stuck around? Might be a keeper.

Miss Muffett

So, I was driving down the road the other day, talking on the phone, multi-tasking. You know, what you should be doing while driving a stick-shift.

As I hung up the phone, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I thought it was a fly or something - they seem to like my car. I turned my head to try and find the flying object and there was a spider hanging two inches from my face.

NOT cool!

I did yell, I admit it. (It was rather unexpected, you know.) I hit it, and it disappeared. So now there is a spider in my car and I don't know where it went. I actually pulled the car over, opened the door and got half-out, frantically looking for it. Couldn't find it, of course, and so I felt that horrid bug-crawling-on-you feeling that you get when you around ants or something.

I STILL don't know where it is.

The Nose Knows

Monday was a normal day.

Get up. Kids to school. Go to work.

At 2:30, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but answered it anyway. It was MB's daycare teacher. She very seriously informed me that I needed to pick him up. I thought he was sick or other such things. But, no. I had to pick him up because....

....he had stuck a bead up his nose.

They said they tried to get it out, but couldn't. So I told my boss I had a bead emergency and left. Off to the doctor, where the bend was successfully extracted without to much trauma. Then he wanted to go back to school.

The night ended with him hitting his head at least twice, and crying he was bleeding (which he wasn't) after hitting his mouth. All of this AFTER he was in bed.

Ah, Monday's.

The Talented Miss A

Check THIS out.

Who thinks we should do a book? I do.

Oh, the Torture!

It is a time to be feared. A time that one hopes will never come. You can fight it, but it's not going to stop it. Because it has to be done.

What's that? What's so scary? It's time for...

..a haircut!! (Dun-Dun-Dun)

Yes, haircuts. The most menacing of things. At least you would think so by the way MB reacts to them. You would think that we were torturing him. Screaming and crying. The hair that falls on him? Might as well be a knife stabbing him. Seriously. That is what it sounds like.

His hair is crazy. (Reference this blog for details.) And it grows ridiculously fast. But we usually wait until it looks like a wild lion mane before we break down and torture him. Therefore, it was a pleasant surprise to come home from church tonight to find that Gemaw and Auntie had done it for me.

The point? Next time you hear screaming from my house, just know that the clippers have come out!

Fowl Play

I'm driving along this morning at a nice pace, and this bird lands right in the middle of my lane. Of course they always fly off right when your car is about to run over them. This stupid bird did not. It started walking to towards the center line, and then tries to take off. I hear a noise and look in my rearview mirror to see feathers. I think it made a slight dent in my car, too. Not sure what happened to the bird.

Homestyle Naked

Funny little story for you.

Usually when MB has to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he will yell for me until I drag myself out of my (five-feet in the air loft) bed. Very rarely will he just get up and go and I don't know about it.

The other morning, when I woke the kids up, he informed me that he had a little peepee in his pants. I told him to go potty so he doesn't get anymore in his pants. He said that he went by himself sometime in the night and it was all better. He then got out of bed to get ready for school.

He was butt-naked.

Mexico on a Friday Night

Did you know you can travel to another country and meet people from your own backyard?

The PPP’s had a [quiet, safe and sober] great time in Mexico. The disco was where we made the party happen. Yes, WE made the party happen. Because we are that amazing.

Second night, hanging outside the hotel lobby where we [did not] could smoke. I’m not sure what we were talking about - I’m sure it was riveting. All of a sudden, “Did you say you were from Texas?” And there begins the most interesting night.

New Texas Friend #1 (hereby known as NTF1) lives in Houston. He was a cutey (say thanks NTF1!), but I’m pretty sure that when he wandered off sometimes he was mackin’ on some 20 year olds. At least that’s what his friend (known here as NTF2) said. HAHA. NTF2, and this is crazy, lives in Carrollton. I work in Carrollton. Who knew?

So, here we all are. [Not] Drinking and [junior high] dancing. Um, sure, we kept it clean. Well, saintly, really, compared to the eye-violations from the night before. Let’s just say it was fun.
PPP2 got dropped on the floor. We’re still not sure what was supposed to happen, but pretty sure that being dropped wasn’t it.

PPP1 likes to dance. She even got a lap dance, of sorts, from one of the NTF’s. She is quite popular!

PPP3 learned to salsa. Ok, she didn’t really learn, but she tried! Learning salsa is hard when you are [not] drinking.

PPP4 left with one of the NTF’s. She swears she told her fellow PPP’s, but they don’t think so. PPP4 will hear about this so called “incident” for a while now because she worried the other ones, even though she also swears nothing happened.

It’s a shame the NTF’s are taken, because, well, it would definitely be fun to do this more often. Hey, guys, whenever you’re single…

And, yes, we have pictures of everything. Pictures that the masses don’t get to see.

It Doesn't Really Stay There

Ah, Mexico. Where anything can happen. Beautiful views of turquoise water, white sand, fluffy white clouds, hot guys…

The Moon Palace was pretty amazing. It had a ton of restaurants, shopping, bars and water. It also had a disco dance club and bar. Hmmm, I wonder where all the fun stuff happened?

But, I will tell you about the first day of our vacation. We got to the airport about 9:30 for our 11:40 flight to Houston where we were to catch a 1:40 flight to Cancun. We left Dallas at 2:50, missing the 3:55 connection which meant we weren’t going to leave Houston until 6:55. We finally left at 7:50 and arrived in Cancun about 9:20. After going through customs, getting our luggage and driving to the resort and checking in, we got to our room about 10:30.

13 hours to make a 3 hour trip. I will pay more for a non-stop flight from now on.

In spite of that, I was dedicated to having a fabulous time! We’d been in our rooms for about 5 minutes when my fabulous fellow PPP’s arrived. I changed into my super-cute party dress and down to the disco, where our eyes were completely violated.

The drinking age is 18 down there, which is great for all of the college kids. Most of the 18-20 ones were there with their parents. One little 18 year old girl decided that dirty was her middle name for the night. On the other side of the dance floor, up on the second level of seats, there she was. With some boy that must have been having the time of his life. Really, the only thing they did not do was take the clothes off. I’m still having a hard time getting the picture out of my head. Although we found at that her mother finally came and got her.

Night one was fun, but really doesn’t compare to night two. You know, the one involving rock stars, non-serial killers, DDB’s and “dirt”. It was the best night. Ever.

The Mexican Rundown

I’m not sure where to start, because there are so many amazing stories. What can I say? Our2nd Annual Girl’s Trip was quite awesome. Today is Sunday, and at this point I’ve had a whopping 12-ish hours of sleep since Wednesday night. Here’s a quick rundown of the weekend to whet your appetite for more of my fabulous story telling.

After a 13 hours of traveling (one story), I changed into my party gear and did not drink and dance (story 2), during which time our eyes were completely violated. Spent the next day lounging by the beautiful pool and turquoise ocean while my liver may or may not have (nod to PPP1) needed to cleanse itself for the second night. The second night was slightly more interesting (a story that may or may not be told) time. Let’s just say that it involves rock stars, non-serial killers that did NOT get tapped (whatever PPP 2), definite DDB’s, and some “dirt”. After beating my head against the wall for reasons that shall not be explained, another fabulous day of nothing involving some very nice views, and some extremely gag-worthy views. A un-natural 5 am wakeup call was the end of the best time. Ever.

Looking forward to the next trip!

The Most Awful Thing. Ever.

You know what the worst thing to do is?

Buy a swimsuit.

It is torture. When I was younger, before growing humans and gravity, I could wear almost any suit. I could go to the Victoria’s Secret swimsuit collection and pick the cutest one - no matter what it looked like.

Boy, times change. I’ve discovered that instead of 99% of the styles looking good, I now have 99% of the styles looking bad.

I bring this up because I am going on my annual girl trip to Mexico in a couple of days. Last year, I told myself that I wasn’t going to go the VS route, that I would be a normal person and go to Target and get a suit. OMW. I cannot describe the horror and depression. I broke down and bought a VS swim skirt.

This year, I went even crazier and bought a semi-swim dress. I didn’t even bother thinking about buying one at a store. They are all made for cute little girls whom gravity has not touched. This one has special material that keeps everything where it supposed to be. And I found this AFTER I had ordered and returned about three of them, and four days before my trip.

Swimsuits suck. I will be screening any and all Mexico pictures before allowing them to be seen by the public.

Pigs

Have you seen those weird, and kind of gross, cell phone commercials? There’s the one with a girl and a guy riding a bike she’s got amazing underarm hair. I saw one recently of two huge hogs eating ham at a restaurant. I started laughing because it reminded me of a friend of mine that had a pig. We were cleaning up after a gathering at his house, and he was going to give the scraps to his pig. I jokingly asked if he wanted to put the ham with it. I got a no – he thought it was just wrong to give a pig ham. So, I think of that every time I see that commercial.

No point, just a memory.

In Preparation...

I can’t believe that MB starts kindergarten this year. He turns in five in May – I feel so old now!!
In preparation for the big day – his first day of school – we are catching up on things. Like shots. Icky shots.

We are a couple of years or so behind on them. With MG having ADHD, et al (you now read about that HERE), I put off getting him loaded up. I didn’t want to take a chance on them causing something to switch in his little brain, so it brings us to today. When we went to the doctor and got six shots.

SIX.

Luckily the nurses were quite fast, and it was over in less than a minute. But still, six shots in his little legs! I promised him ice cream after, so we went to Wendy’s and got chicken nuggets and a little vanilla frosty. He is now in his monkey jammies with his pillow, “orange” blankie (it’s really yellow, but he decided when he was smaller that it was going to be orange) and his little monkey (he likes monkies!). He gets to stay in the office and watch movies on the BIG TV. (He has chosen Cars, Ratatouille and Transformers). He’ll milk this for as much as he can (he’s kind of wimpy). And I’ll let him – for a couple of days – just because it was SIX shots.

So Small

It’s all because of my teeny little bladder that I was standing in the very cold, slightly windy (which is enough when it’s very cold) and rainy morning putting gas in my car.

My car has this neat feature that beeps at me when it hits 50 miles, 25 miles and 10 miles left to go on the tank. I knew yesterday that I had to get gas on the way home. I was down to about 20 miles, which would get me home. So, the plan was to stop at the bank (had to pay for MG’s swimming lessons), get some gas, pick up the kids, run home and grab some dinner for them, then off to swimming.

A good plan, except for the fact that I have a bladder the size of a pea.
I have grown two humans, and that wreaks havoc upon you. I get off work at 5, and get home between 5:45 and 6. At 4:57 every day, I use the facilities. I can then get to whatever my next stop is just fine.

When I am fighting a sickness (this is war - I’m going to Mexico in seven days!), I drink a ton of water, and therefore must go a lot more. Yesterday, at 4:58 I used the bathroom. Then I went to the bank and sat there for 10 minutes. Then it took 10 extra minutes on top of that to get to my side of town (where the gas is about $.10 to $.15 cheaper). I thought that if I had to spend another 10 minutes getting gas I would DIE. So, straight to the daycare (where it takes 10 minutes to get them - my life is run in 10 minute segments), and then home where I didn’t even wait for them to get out of the car. And thank goodness there is a bathroom right inside the front door.

So, that brings me to this cold, slightly windy and rainy day. It was about 80 degrees yesterday and nice weather for getting gas. And because of the rain, I was stuck going a whole one mile in 10 minutes, which also made me late for work.

There really is no lesson to be learned from this story. Just a warning to all of you that have not had children yet. One day you may be standing in a cold, rainy and slightly windy morning putting gas in your car just because of your teeny little bladder.

Insanity

I love my kids. With all of my heart. I would do anything for them. Yes, they drive me crazy. They are kids, and that is what kids do. But that changes nothing.

I think most moms are programmed to protect their kids. (I say most because there are exceptions with crazy people.) They will do what they have to do to care for them. They will move heaven and earth to get whatever the kids need to not only live, but to be loved. They don’t just provide clothes, food and shelter, but cute clothes, food they like and is good for them, and a shelter that is filled with peace and cute sheets on their beds.

Sometimes a mom will do something that other people might think is insane, wrong, stupid - whatever. “Why would she do that?” Why? Because she wants her kids to be happy and loved. And sometimes it requires insane, wrong or stupid things to be done. She does not think they are any of those. She sees it as just one more possibility for her kids to lead the best life possible.

Not everyone knows the whole story of what’s behind her actions. They are not spur-of-the-moment actions. They have been deliberated extensively in her mind. The pros and cons have been weighed, every outcome she can think of prepared for. Sometimes a surprising (and not always welcome) outcome shows up, but she still does not regret what was done because she thought it best for her kids at the time.

She can’t regret, or she will live her whole life in regret. She can’t give way to second thoughts or allow what others think of her to get into her head. Her mission is her children, and she won’t let anything get in the way of that. She will go through hell for them, she will endure heartache and hardships, isolation and everything else that comes her way.

I love my kids. With all of my heart. I would do anything for them.

Ok, One More Mexico Memory

I will start by saying that I did NOT know that you could get a dress wedgie. This was a new phenomenon to me. To me, dresses are pretty and do not give you wedgies. I learned otherwise in Mexico.

No, I did not experience a dress-wedgie first hand. Believe me, I am WAY past the days of wearing outfits that can do that. In fact, I don't think I have ever worn such an outfit.

This was something that I witnessed. And then went and dipped my eyeballs in acid. 

We stayed at a nice resort in Cozumel - the Park Royal. (In fact, I am planning on returning with my friend in July for my birthday. Want to join us?) Also staying at the resort was a group of about 8-ish women. These women, upon a closer inspection, were not as young as they thought they were. Probably in their mid-thirties but looked a little older. From afar they were all bleached and spray-tanned and quite skanktastic.

Oh, yes. The outfits we saw them in at Carlos n Charlies one night were a-maze-ing. Of course, the guys with hoe-dar could sense them from a great distance. And I witnessed a phenomenon - hoe-dar gifted guys that found someone too, shall we say, "dress-wedgied."

We felt kind of sorry for them. They obviously did not really think very highly of themselves. But, at the same time, we had some awesome entertainment for one night.

Lesson - if your dress gives you a wedgie, you probably shouldn't wear it.

More Mexico Memories

No Mexico Memories would be complete without Ron Jeremy Mustache Guy and Chicken Dance Man.

RJMG was as creepy as his name suggests. He was gross, but the only thing I really remember about his appearance was his gross AND creepy mustache. He decided he wanted to dance with PPP3. This was also the night we met some guys that were staying at the same hotel as us. We were all standing on one of the little balconies (sweltering again), and RJMG comes up to PPP3 and pretty much backed her into the corner of the balcony. Luckily, one of the guys from our hotel was standing there and intervened. He did not make a repeat appearance. PPP3 was a little grossed out.

Then CDM came along on the dance floor. He took a shine to one of our married PPP’s. (By the way, PPP stands for Princess Party Pantses in case you have forgotten. And, no, that is not a misspelling.) CDM was about 432 sheets-to-the-wind and most definitely had a severe case of Alcohol Amnesia. Every two minutes he would forget that he had been very clearly rejected and would come back. At least seven times. After the third time, PPP4 just started mocking him, doing the chicken dance around him. He thought he was awesome. We thought he was an idiot.

So, in 15 days, we make a trip to the Riviera Maya, where there is the original - and much larger - Senior Frogs about 10 miles away in Cancun. Some new PPP’s will be joining us this year, and it promises to be just as memorable as last year.

I bet you can’t wait for the stories!

Mexico Memories Part 2

Part two of my short little series finds us back at Senor Frogs, the sweaty-but-fun club in Cozumel. It happens to be right above Carlos & Charlies, but that is another story. This story might be a little too much for some of you, so be warned now. I can be quite descriptive. (NO - nothing like that. Get your mind out of the gutter!!)

This time we shall talk about our little Mexican beer slinger (MBS), one of the waiters at SF’s. He took quite a fancy to PPP2. Now, PPP2 is a fun one, but not quite as crazy as the rest of us - a little on the more conservative side (but not by much).

We found our high top next to the balcony (mid-May is HOT), and PPP2 sat down in barstool, facing sideways at the table. The rest of us were getting settled and opening the balcony “doors”. We hear a little shriek and spin around and find MBS had mounted PPP2 like a jockey on a racehorse and was giving her a little lap-dance. OMW. The look on her face was priceless. We all shrieked (we are girls, deal with it) and started laughing hysterically. (Unfortunately, we did not have a camera.) I think we got a picture of him and her and the giant frog inside the main entrance, but I can’t be sure. No, I won’t publish it.

Poor PPP2 didn’t know what to do! She was laughing, slightly embarrassed and quite red in the face. She stated that she didn’t know if she needed a cigarette or a very large vat of liquor.

Moral? Beware of MBS’s at humid little clubs in Mexico.

Mexico Memories Part 1

In honor of my almost-here 2nd Annual Mexico Girl Trip, I will tell some wonderful stories from our 1st Annual Mexico Trip. No real names will be used to protect the identities of those involved.

Of course, there are three stories that come to mind immediately. Today I will tell of our Portuguese friend. At least we think he was Portuguese.

Anyhoo, we visited a fun little place called Senor Frogs in Cozumel. It was on the second floor, small, mostly dance floor. And HOT. It was mid-May and beyond humid. And not a lot of ventilation. We claimed high-tops next to the balconies to try and get a little air.

In the course of our Princess Party Pantses fun, and short and inebriated Portuguese guy (PG) decided that he liked my friend, whom we will call PPP1 for the purposes of this story.

PG really wanted to dance with PPP1. He also wanted to get a little too friendly, which was so not going to go over well. After a few stern warnings, PG almost got his face crushed (PPP1 is not a wimp!). He followed us around – he might have had a little too much fun amnesia.

We finally decided to leave. PG did not want us to go. He followed us down to the cab. There were three of us and we were sitting in the back. PG sticks his head in the front window and starts yelling, “I love you. You love me. You want to marry me. We will get married.” And on and on. The two of us were laughing as PPP1 was yelling at the poor Mexican cab driver (who didn’t understand us) to drive. PPP1 didn’t find it very funny at the time, but she does now.

So, if she ever gets desperate, she knows that there is a short little Portuguese guy somewhere that loves her!

How Cool!

A couple of years ago, I read an article in People Magazine about Jason Lee. It had a picture of him and his girlfriend at the time, Beth Reisgraf. (I’m still wondering what they were thinking about when they named their son, but I digress.)

I told my mom that I went to school with a Beth Reisgraf. She transferred to Brinley Middle School in the middle of 8th grade, and we sat together in Algebra. She was nice and, as she was very pretty, etc…, was pretty popular in high school. The girl in the picture looked like her, too. Hmmm…

Anyway, so last night I was catching up on the new TNT show “Leverage.” (I was watching it on hulu.com since I just set it up on my Tivo. But, again I digress.) It’s a fun show if you haven’t seen it, and I had only seen bits of it when my mom was watching. The name Beth Reisgraf came up on the screen. I thought that was cool, maybe she had a guest roll or something. So, I’m watching and the blond girl came on the screen. One of the main characters, “Parker”. It was her!

How cool is that? I think it’s pretty awesome that she is doing pretty good as an actress. I don’t expect that she even remembers my existence, but I might send her a note to say “Congrats.”

Although I still can’t get over their son's name….

A Single Point of View

No one really knows when or why Valentine’s Day started. There are at least three saints named Valentine (or Valentino) with different stories. It might be named after one that supposedly performed marriages after they had been outlawed. Could be the one Valentine that was killed for helping Christians escape Roman prisons. Or even the one that sent the first “valentine” to himself. (Check our THIS History Channel article).

Whatever the original reason, it was, at some point not too long ago, grabbed by the giant marketing machine and turned into this ridiculous reason to buy stuff. Yes, I do get my kiddos a little (read: cheap) something. But even when I was married, I didn’t “celebrate” it, and not just because it’s a multi-billion dollar (yes - BILLION) industry.

Shouldn’t showing your SO, kids - whoever - that you love them be something you do every day? Guys, shouldn’t you sometimes, just for no reason, do something special for your special? And, ladies, even though guys aren’t usually all schmoopy and sentimental, they do like funny and you can say, “Dude, you’re super special to me” anytime in a fun way!

I guess I don’t really buy into the idea that we’re supposed to pull it all out just one day of the year. Some people even think that, if they do something amazing on Valentine’s Day, the other 354 days of not-so-great will be instantly forgotten.

I don’t have a SO. But, I hope that when I do one day, we’ll love each other enough that we can show it everyday. So for all of you paired-lovey-dovey people, show each other more often. Say “I love you” at least once a day. Listen to each other, rely on one another, and make everyday “Valentine’s Day.” You never know when you won’t have it anymore.

Yes, I Do

I am pale. Like Casper. Not as pale as my mom and sister, who are Casper’s albino cousin’s, but just plain Casper pale.


When I was little, I got a little color on me. Granted, I was outside a lot – in Vegas in the summer – but a little less pale naturally. Then I go big, and it all went away. I lived for years in that ghostly palor, wearing pants all the time, never putting on a swimsuit except at night.


Then one day, I discovered Planet Tan. It changed my life.


No longer am I Casper. But, don’t worry, I am not an Oompa Loompa, either. No spray tan. Just good old-fashioned fake UV rays. A nice color.


Now, I wear skirts. I will even put on a swimsuit when the sun is actually out. (Sometimes.) I actually bought a pair of capries. Sundress? I’ll wear that, too!


So, for all of you fellow pale people, there is hope. Come over to the dark side – we have tans.

Happy Day

So, some good friends of mine got married this past Saturday. It was a beautiful wedding and, as expected, it has gotten my family all into my wedding. The one I’m not having with the guy I have not met.

According to my dad, it’s like collecting the wood to build a house, but not building the house yet. (Anyone? Ya, me neither.) And, yes, I’ve thought about it, too, and I’ve decided that there wouldn’t be a whole lot of tradition in it.

Entertainment? Live band AND karaoke. (Oh, yes, I said karaoke.)

Food? Gourmet burger bar and mac n cheese. (It would be kid friendly wedding, duh, and EVERYONE loves burgers. I’m just saying.) And then cupcakes. Everyone loves cupcakes – with ice cream.

Music? Rock. Maybe I’d walk down the aisle to Pink Floyd. You never know.

I wouldn’t do all of the “traditional” dances. Let’s face it – it’s kind of boring to sit there and watch every possible family combination dance. And, really, can anyone see my dad dancing? Right. And maybe at the end of the ceremony, I would give everyone high-fives on the way out. Like a rock star. My fabulous friend JBell refuses to be in my non-existent wedding because she insists on being my wedding planner. Which is good since that’s what she does, but I think she would have her work cut out for her.

For all of you laughing at me for thinking of this, let me remind you that I am 30 and can do whatever I want. Even think about a wedding that might happen someday. And, hey, if I think about it now, it will be a lot easier whenever it does happen!

Happy Dreaming!!

Say Cheese!

Today was class picture day for MG, and it brought back many memories. Here the two most horrific.

1) HAIR. Don’t you love looking back at your school pictures and marveling at the hair? I was stuck in the perm phase. I also had the most awful short hairdo on the PLANET. A ‘friend’ of my mom’s was a hairdresser, and so my mom had her cut my hair. I hated it. I said so, and got in trouble. I looked like a boy from the back. (I’m still traumatized by that, mother.)

2) GLASSES. I actually think the little horn-rimmed glasses were cool. All of the pictures of my grandparents back in the day have them. They looked quite stylish in the black/white photos. BUT, I was stuck in the BIG glasses phase. Even when they did offer smaller frames, my glasses were too thick to fit in them. Giant glasses. I cringe when I see them.

And of course, when you’re in elementary school, they thought that it would be good to wait until the AFTERNOON to take pictures. So by the time it happened, your amazing hair is tangled and full of grass, glasses are dirty, and someone always had a wound on their face. And they always looked like mug shots! Sit on the stool sideways, look at the camera, smile for 6 hours. SNAP.

My kids pictures turn out much better. The do different poses, take them quickly and, novel idea, do them in the MORNING. I try to make sure their hair is done nicely, but not faddish, cute clothes and, when they start to wear glasses (which they will), take them off!!

Now, go pull out your old school pictures and revel at the sight of them!

The Black and Blues

MB has his very first black eye.

They were playing outside, and, per usual, came in crying. (Sobbing, actually, like he was going to keel over at any moment. Quite dramatic.) His was digging his little nails into his face, and didn’t want to move his hand. I guess that helps? And he didn’t want us to look at it, because looking at an ouchie also causes more pain.

MG is standing outside the door yelling something about his bike. So, we are assuming that he fell off of his bike. Of course, he doesn’t want to tell us what happened. I guess that will make it hurt more, too.

My guess? He was riding his back and looking BEHIND him. Have you ever noticed that children are always looking BEHIND them? Like they are going to miss something really important? A couple of hours later, after his bath and jammies, he was walking out his bedroom door and ran into the wall – on the same cheek – because of this very thing.

It’s the funniest thing to watch a cute little munchkin running one way and looking the other way, and then they meet a wall. Or door or person. (Which is not so funny when they are at that perfect height. My friend CK can attest to that.)

So, now my baby boy has passed yet another manly milestone in his life!!

You're Not Supposed to Laugh.

Kids grow up way too fast these days.

For instance, MG is eight and in third grade. She is also very pretty and very smart, but that’s not the point here.

The story is: The other night, I was helping her get ready for bed and she asked if I was going to exercise. I told her that I was going to do the “big black thing” (the elliptical machine), and that I would do my balance ball in the morning. (I have discovered the Balanceball is quite awesome for your abs. But I digress.) She started giggling.

My instant thought was “crap.” I kept talking, and pretty soon she said “there’s another kind of balls.” (Yes, my initial “crap” was warranted.) I asked her what she meant (just in case), and she said boys have them. (Now I’m trying not to freak out externally – just with my inner-monologue.) I asked where she heard that, and she just shrugged and said some boys at school said it. And then she ran off to play.

So, now I’m a little sad. I know I can’t protect them from life, and that they’re going to hear all about it long before I’m ready. (For you thinking that I laugh too, I’m 30 with two kids. I probably have figured it out by this point.) So, now my eight-year-old little girl giggles at all the wrong times.

So, yes, kids grow up way to fast.

A Piece of My Heart

Let’s face it. Divorce Sucks.

No matter how ready you are when the end is finally near, it is still a very sad, heartbreaking thing.

I know. Why is my usually hilarious column SO serious today? Because it’s my blog and I can do what I want with it. I’ve been single for a little over three years now. Not one single date. But, that’s ok. I’ve been able to figure out who I am, and grow stronger in the Lord. I have struggled, and seen others struggle, through this, feeling isolated.

Divorce is a bad word in the ‘Christian’ community. It has a stigma about it. Granted, the church has come a long way. Now, there are small groups and support groups at most of the churches around. But, no matter how far it’s come, it’s still something that “we just don’t talk about.” I can totally understand why. The Bible very clearly states that God hates divorce. I mean, the last thing He created was a couple. So, how can people ever really be OK with what God hates? I’ve struggled with this myself.

I was married for seven years. I was afraid God wouldn’t love me anymore, that my family would be disappointed in me, that I would be alone forever. Really, who wants to marry a divorced chick with two little kids? I stayed, miserable, knowing my kids weren’t seeing what a “real” marriage should be. I did not want to disappoint God. I even moved halfway across the country, away from everyone and everything, to give it another chance. I was isolated, alone, and realizing more everyday that I would rather be a single mom for the rest of my life, living with my parents and struggling to raise an ADHD child on my own then continue the way it was.

Here’s a confession, and what I remember when I start to judge myself. (And for all of you judgers out there…) After a huge fight one time, after slammed doors, name-calling, tears and broken glass, I – for just a fraction of a second – thought that I could take that piece of glass and….

I had to leave.

The day I packed up the one-way van rental, buckled the kids in and drove away was the saddest and most difficult thing I had ever done. My marriage was over – it was a LONG, slow collapse. I was ready for it, so glad to finally be released. But, I was still ending what was supposed to be a ‘til death’ thing, taking my children away from their father, starting over AGAIN. I almost started crying. But I couldn’t. I had to be strong for my babies. I had to show them that, even though it was sad, we could get through it.

I think that we did stay until death. The death of a soul, of happiness, of love. As much as God hates divorce, I think He hates seeing His children suffer more.

I don’t regret it. My children are happier, I am calmer, my walk with God is so much better. God still loves me. My family still loves me. One day, I’ll meet my Prince Charming, even if I have to wait until Heaven.

So, let’s embrace this stigmatized group of people. Love them unconditionally like the Lord says, and realize that they didn’t just ‘sin’ – they chose life.