(I've decided to take Mondays and write about serious stuff going on in life. Serious stuff sometimes makes me a little manic-y, therefore it is Manic Mondays. Or MM, since that's shorter for title purposes.)
I'm a little older than most students, but circumstances got themselves (maybe with a little God-nudge) to where I could go to school. I started in July 2009. It's been great. Makes me super busy and sometimes I have a freak-out-attack (or more than sometimes), but it's worked out well. As a veteran, I get to use the GI Bill. As a single mom, I don't make a lot of money, so I get good grants to pay for school. It's a winning combo.
When I signed up for the Navy many moons ago, I was told that the GI Bill would cover all of my school as long as I start using it before I was out of the military for 10 years. It seems that either a) that was not true, or b) it's changed. Now I find out that it ends after 10 years - no matter what.
Hard to believe that I'm this old, but come February 22, 2011, I will have been out of the Navy for 10 years. And the VA won't extend my GI Bill, even when my Congressman requested it.
You see, there are four whole reasons they will accept to extend benefits. It seems that bankruptcy, divorce and struggling single-parenthood does not fall into one of their reasons. So, come February 22, 2011, 1/2 of my income is gone.
To say I'm stressed is a slight understatement.
As a Christian, I'm supposed to not worry, right? I'm sure that, if you know the Bible at all, you could come up with a few verses about not worrying or stressing or freaking out. In fact, I've thought of more than a few in the few seconds it's taken me to type this. And I read them almost every night, and I try to "let go and let God" (I hate Christian cliches).
But the fact remains that I'm worried.
I'm blessed much more than a lot of single moms. I live with my parents and have a fantastic support system. But, we're all just getting by right now. And I'm scared of what will happen in a couple of months when just rent and a (pretty small) car payment leave me in the hole.
So, here I am - a worried Christian. (Which is kind of like jumbo shrimp or pygmy mammoth (really - look it up).)
The nice thing? God totally understands, and will do what He does in spite of my manic-ness.
Lorianne, I'm so right there with you on the worrying thing. We worry, and then, since we're Christians, know we aren't supposed to, so we then (or just I, since I'm speaking for myself here) typically start worrying over the fact that I'm worrying in the first place. And this usually results in me questioning my faith, which usually results in my realizing I don't have enough of it, and add to that the guilt from not trusting God enough in the first place and it all comes together to be one overwhelmingly horrendous stressor!
ReplyDeleteAnd all of this to say that, isn't this right where our enemy wants us? So stressed out and worrying about worrying that we're incapable of focusing any of our energy on Him but instead are too preoccupied focusing our energy on feeling guilty because we fear we aren't trusting or faithful enough? It's like this manic, crazy circle of crap that we get caught up in and feel hopeless to remove ourselves from.
Anyway, that's just me. Perhaps I'm alone at the level of which I take my crazy stressing and worrying to. But I understand your desire to 1) not worry at all but especially 2) to not worry over things which are seemingly out of our control. We all have things going on which we don't yet know the outcomes to. Only God knows. I'll certainly pray that God brings His peace to come over you and overwhelm you when you most need it. I love the image that creates in my mind - God overwhelming me with His peace.
See you at new years! We're both really looking forward to spending time with all you guys!
We will do more than "survive" of that I'm confident. I'm excited about God's plans and whatever the next step is, even if it's a drag at times, because He's never let us down EVER. (I feel a sudden strange urge to break out singing "We Are the Champions of the World" or "I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar" hahaha!)
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